Patience
by Syngen Segumi
Summary: Continuation of the Dual-Edged Blade. Kenshin's passage beyond life holds more than he could have expected. Changed rating due to language and sexual content in the new chapter. I don't know if its really appropriate for a 13 year old.
1. gee i like to think of dead it means nea...

I couldn't resist continuing this story. Obviously, I don't own any of the Rurouni Kenshin characters. I do own Hikari. I do not, however, own Sano. And if you can tell me who does own Sano, you will get a point. I don't know what my points do..maybe I'll proof one of your chapters for free or something.

*******

Hikari perched on the railing of the bridge, watching the pair pass by underneath. She was unseen; she intended to be. Until Farral was replaced, there was little for her to do in her own realm. Rather, she had chosen to take the opportunity to promote herself in the mortal realm, hoping to establish a place as a true kami, and not the shadow of the Kami of Wisdom, or the remnants of a land forgotten and ancient. Firrin still had not found forgiveness for her, now, years later. She could only look at the water in apology for what she had to do. But watching the couple, knowing that the time was drawing near, it had been worth it.

She focused on him, he was starting to almost show his age. Time, and battle had caught up with him. He had called out to her several times before. And each time she had come, unseen but felt. She had given her word to him, and she would live up to it. She would always be there for him.

He hadn't changed too much. Still the same wickedly red hair and shining smiling gaze that looked like the pre-dawn sky. Sometimes gray, sometimes violet, sometimes neither and both at the same time. He had new clothes. Well, new compared to when he had first found her, and she him. 

The boat passed under the bridge and she leapt to the other railing. She leaned over the rail, her toes almost leaving the ground, and reached out to him. Her fingers brushed his hair, barely. He twitched and brushed away whatever had tickled him. She grinned and tried not to laugh. It was one of her few amusements. She played this sort of demented game of hide and seek, though she would never be found, and he wouldn't look too far.

He wasn't there for her anymore. It had been ages since he had called out to her, so she watched him. And her. Despite the passage of time and her forgiveness, Hikari did not approve of Kaoru. She pondered the reasons why as she hopped off the rail of the bridge to glide up to the boat and perch on the stern, behind the pair. It was the mix of selfishness and selflessness, she though, crouching down and spreading her wings so as not to alter the pitch of the boat. How can a selfless person be a selfish lover? Hikari didn't understand that. She pulled her hair from the water, where it was trailing behind the boat, and wrung out the ends. Keshin turned at the sound of the drops, but saw nothing. His face was so close to hers, she smiled at him, though he couldn't see her. Or wouldn't maybe, she couldn't tell.

She leaned over his shoulder, her breath falling into his hair and against his ear, until she gasped. There was a child there. Oh how wonderful! Kenshin swatted at the tickle of Hikari's breath. She dodged aside and tried to move around for a better view. Kids were the best, and Hikari adored every one she saw. She wasn't paying the best attention as she slid along the beam of the boat to perch in the center of the starboard beam. She peered down at the little boy and grinned at him. He grinned back.

She had gotten used to young children ignoring the rules. They could see her if they wanted to, and seemed to bypass a lot of the rules of engagement. She stuck her tongue out at him and he squealed at her, raising his hands toward her. She reached out his and let him grasp her finger, which he did, and squeezed.

"Kenshin," Kaoru said, "Doesn't look like he's holding something?"

Kenshin looked at his son and nodded, "That he does." He lifted his head for a moment, feeling a change in the air. Hikari looked up as well, knowing that it wasn't her he was sensing. She scanned the horizon behind Kenshin, as he tried to get his bearings.

"You look most motherly," said a voice behind her. She turned her head, and looked at the man sitting down beside her. He was very Japanese. He still wore the vest with the symbol of the Tokugawa, though his life and duties had long since passed on. He was once the Sosaken, or Chief Investigator to one of the Tokugawa Shoguns.

"Sano," she smiled at him, "You look wonderful." She and Sano had become good friends since Kenshin's accidental excursion into the Realm of the Spirits. Sano had been dead for almost 150 years, he reflected himself as he was in the prime of his life, a time frought with trouble and irritation, and one of his favorite times. He now worked for Tokugawa Ieyasu, as an ancestor. He had been a sort of culture guide to Japan for Hikari, who was trying very hard.

Sano nodded his shaved head toward Kenshin, "I think he senses me."

Hikari looked at her most precious mortal and saw the apprehension still in his eyes, "I think so. You don't do as much walking around here as I do. You've got to get better at hiding yourself." She nudged him affectionately, and tried to extricate her finger from the little boy's grasp.

Kenshin blinked a couple of times, the breeze seemed to be whispering to itself. He could almost hear fleeting voices. They danced just outside of his perception. But that wasn't the only thing that distracted him. He knew he smelled almonds. Not roasted almonds. Almond oil, like samurai once used to keep their coiffures in tact. He knew the smell because it didn't smell like almonds should. He remembered it so vividly from his past.

Kaoru peered at Kenshin, "What's wrong?"

Kenshin shook his head, "I thought I heard something, or smelled something. I don't know. Just enjoy yourself."

Kaoru passed him a warning look, not willing to drop the subject, but for the sake of quiet, she did, for now.

Sano shifted uneasily beside Hikari, "I make him nervous."

Hikari nodded a little, still trying to get her finger back from the boy, "Remember how his career started out. He used to kill people like you."

Sano nodded pensively, "I know. I still don't know what you see in him."

"Life," Hikari whispered, finally slipping her hand free from the tiny grasping fingers. There was an instant of tranquility that stood only as a warning before the little boy screwed up his face like a squashed tomato, at about the same color and consistency, and let out a wail that even made his loudmouthed mother cringe.

"You are horrible to children," Sano said jokingly, "You should have let him hang on to you for eternity."

Hikari cocked her head and sighed, "I couldn't let his father hang on to me, I couldn't possibly give to the son what I denied the father."

Sano could hear Hikari's thoughts about Kaoru and commented, "I don't know how I feel about all these modern women with their modern ideas. You Westerners were a bad influence."

Hikari almost rolled off the boat trying not to laugh too loud. Normal sounds went largely unheard, but a good guffaw, like the one building in her now, would have turned the boat over. "You're wife was ten times the impudent obstinate fool this one is, Sano Ichiro. And yes, we are a horrible influence. Flog me. Please?" She added the hopeful tone into her question to tease him. Sano had a fabulous sense of humor, despite his upbringing, or perhaps because of it.

Sano shook his head at her, "You are a wicked temptation, and my wife was not this bad."

Hikari corrected him, "Your wife would have thrown you over the edge of the boat by now and told you to swim back or give up your secret."

Sano sighed in mock resignation, "I suppose then, it is a good thing I am a good swimmer."

Kaoru had picked up the baby by then and was trying to shush him. Hikari stood lightly on the beam of the tiny boat and offered her hand to Sano, "Need a lift?"

Sano took her hand as she flapped them up off the boat and onto dry land nearby. She brushed herself off and straightened up, trying to look more dignified. She wore awkwardly tied hakama over and under beautifully coordinated Kimono. Her hair was pulled up in a severe topknot, mimicking Sano's in a sort of friendly way.

He looked her up and down appraisingly, "A little masculine, don't you think?"

She rolled her eyes at him, "Okay so how do I fix it?"

Sano shook his head at her and pulled the Haori off of her first. Then he untied the hakama and dropped those. He unbound her hair and tied it loosely between her shoulder blades and then handed her the Hakama and short kimono jacket, or Haori. "Those were overkill."

She looked at him confused and then threw the clothes over her shoulder, where they vanished in a puff of air. "Can we go now?"

Sano gave her one more spin before saying, "We can go."

The pair walked down the road toward what Sano had once known as Edo. They held hands like old friends, which they were by this time. Sano was one of the few ancestors who were welcome in the lofty heights where to kami lived. Hikari liked him because he had lived his life for Truth and Justice, despite the ease of cutting corners. Sano had been someone she had nurtured and protected, but delighted in just sitting back and watching him work. The only thing she would ever do to sway him was to show him what would happen if he chose a darker path. He was one of the mortal with which she had become fascinated and she enjoyed his company even more now that he was an ancestor and had the time to play. 

She wanted Kenshin to meet him. She wanted to show Kenshin that there were mortal enactors of Justice before he came along, and they would be there forever after. Of course, then again, when she thought about it, how long had it been since Kenshin had called her? What if he had forgotten her?

Sano shook his head listening to Hikari's anxiety, "We don't forget things like you. You haven't been abandoned. You have to remember how much time and energy I spent on my own son when we had one. I didn't forget my job, and I didn't forget my promises."

Hikari half shrugged, she hated taking these tiny baby steps in the kimono. If she tried to actually walk, she would trip all over herself, get tangled up in the kimono, and fall down. Since they were now as visible as anyone, she had to at least look Japanese. Sano had taken her on trips like this to let her practice blending in.

She sighed and looked around, enjoying this little game between them. They chattered back and forth about absolutely nothing as they walked, enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. Sano looked around him, enjoying seeing the world from this angle and how much it had changed.

They were so involved in saying so very much about so very little, that they almost ran into Kenshin and Kaoru with their little boy. Hikari hopped back two steps and Sano came with her, avoiding stepping on any little toes. Sano immediately bowed low and said, "I beg your forgiveness. The loveliness of the day has distracted our attentions."

Hikari followed suit, quickly, and straightened up a little too soon. Kaoru looked at her.

"Oh that's quite all right," Kenshin said brightly, "I can understand."

The group started to move around each other, until Kenshin looked at the pair. It was a samurai and his wife? He carried no swords, but he wore the Tokugawa mon on his shoulders. He was about 200 years behind in style, complete with the top of his head shaven. His wife..his wife? Kenshin recognized Hikari as soon as he saw her, even in the kimono. He looked back and forth between the pair, confused.

Sano moved into place to protect Hikari, a habit that bothered her, but she knew was customary, "Is everything well, sir?"

Kenshin looked at the samurai, "Yes. And no."

Sano looked at him confused.

"I normally wouldn't say anything and assume you were on important business, Tokugawa-sama," Kenshin said, almost hearing Kaoru's eyes widen, "But your company makes me think that perhaps our paths were meant to cross?"


	2. since darker than little round water at ...

Point to Vesca, who knows where Sano came from! I would expound on that, but I don't want to give it away.

Usual Disclaimers of not owning stuff and usual assertions of owning other stuff.

***********

Hikari raised her chin over Sano's shoulder and winked at Kenshin, "Not really."

Kenshin looked back at her, and everything came flooding back to him, the unity, the comfort and safety he felt with her. Then suddenly the stabbing fear. He remembered the offer she had made him. Why would she come if the time were not now? Was he just going to drop dead right here, or would he have to fight the samurai?

Sano had to try not to laugh, listening to both Kenshin and Hikari's thoughts at once. Both of them were pondering exactly how to get out of this unscathed. While the thought of having to fight the little red-haired man was unsettling, Sano wasn't terribly concerned. He bowed his head and interrupted the cacophony of thoughts, "I beg your pardon sir, but I do not have the honor of being a Tokugawa."

Kaoru clutched the baby close to her, vaguely remembering the woman, though differently and in a much worse situation. The man was wearing the Tokugawa hollyhock openly and proudly. She was concerned he might be a vigilante, though he looked very cultured and spoke quietly and politely.

Hikari finally spoke up, "Not that it should concern you; but sometimes, and I only mean sometimes, I have to deal with other concerns than you. Himura Kenshin, please meet Ichiro Sano, he works for Ieyasu now, and worked for his descendant when he was alive. Now, he's teaching me how to fit in. And we were just walking."

Kaoru, always willing to offer helpful if not always welcome advice pointed out, "Well, this is the Meiji. You might not want the police to see you wearing the mon of the Shogunate."

Sano looked over his shoulder at Hikari, half-inclined to ignore Kaoru, but she reminded him of his own wife, whose passage to enlightenment had left Sano to make his own choice. "She does have a point," he conceded. 

Hikari shrugged in response and smiled at the baby, "Well, nice to see you've kept yourself busy." She reached out the little boy who squealed with delight as she offered him her finger to grab onto.

Kaoru looked at Hikari suspiciously, "You're not going to kill anyone are you?"

Hikari looked at her, and the otherworldly gaze sent chills down Kaoru's spine, "Not today."

Sano heard her wondering why she had to suffer with the reputation for killing people. She didn't kill mortals, normally. She preferred to let them live long lives with lots of pain and suffering rather than kill them. Sano turned his attention to Kenshin.

Kenshin was appraising this Sano. He couldn't help feeling a certain possessiveness toward both of the women who were near him, and despite his restored memory, could not shake the image of Sano as a sort of competition.

The thoughts overwhelmed Hikari who looked up from the baby, "Oh, I made him the same offer I made you. He turned me down." She turned her attention back to the baby, trying to listen to the thoughts of both of the very confused mortals and not laugh too much. Some part of her, probably the part that would later become the American judicial code of ethics, enjoyed these little games immensely, and took great delight in the process.

Kenshin inhaled deeply, "I would like the chance to put things in order. I had hoped to watch Kenji grow up, but I don't suppose we can ever really schedule these sort of things for our convenience." Hikari listened to his mind trying to ready him for death and almost had to sit down she wanted to laugh so much.

She extricated her hand from Kenji's and looked at Kenshin, all mirth and amusement gone from her face, "Death comes as a thief in the night, and steals your breath and everything you had wanted to do or have or be. Death does not show up and introduce itself while taking a sunny walk with a friend. Would you please calm down?"

Kenshin remembered then that Hikari couldn't lie. Well, she could, just so badly that everyone knew it was a lie. She was telling the truth. She wasn't there to take him from his family. Just when he had known home, to be moved again would break his heart.

Sano looked at the little family, "Perhaps the sun is getting in the way of clear vision. Something nice and cool to drink in the shade would do us all some good." He pulled off the vest with the hollyhock mons in gold and folded it. He continued to fold it until it was so small it vanished from his fingers. Kenji clapped his hands in delight and Kaoru looked at the man, fascinated.

Hikari nodded, "It is warm."

Kenshin looked at Kaoru for approval before extending an invitation to the pair, "We would be most honored if you would like to sit for a moment in the shade of our home."

The formality unsettled Hikari, who didn't like it when people hid themselves behind a shiny veneer of politesse. She started to extend her hand toward Sano, who looked at her and reminded her that in Japan, she walked behind. She rolled her eyes at him and followed.

But they never made it there. Hikari diverted them away from the path they had been following, and left the young family to figure out what had happened. Hikari grabbed Sano's wrist, her arm covered in the steely metal of her armor.

Sano turned to Hikari as he had usually seen her, the wings and armor and scariness. She dropped her head and they were in the gray spaces near the golden skies of her realm.

"Would you care to explain that?" Sano said, stepping out of the grayness and into the soft golden light of the courtyard of her home. He knew where he was going.

"Not really," she replied.

"Count on you to give an honest answer," Sano said, as they passed into her home, its branches weaving intricate balconies and railings around them.

She shook her head, "I watch him sometimes. Farral's post is still open, and probably will be for a while yet. Not a lot for me to do here. And when I'm there, I want to watch him. I can live through him."

Sano looked down, "You felt that way about me once."

She nodded, settling down on a pile of pillows in a sort of den-like room.

Sano looked at her, "I lived my entire life for you," He dropped to his knees beside her, "All I wanted was to serve Justice, and hope against hope that it would be worthwhile. I'm sorry I turned you down. It was hard for me to understand then."

Hikari nodded, "I had watched you and watched you. It was all very mysterious and fun to watch, and I knew your heart. I watched you time and again take the right way rather than the easy way; and sometimes I wanted to tell you to take the easy way."

"I couldn't," Sano said.

"I know," she answered, "But why turn me down. You lived your life for me, and I came to thank you."

He shook his head, "Justice as a woman? A Western woman at that…I couldn't understand it."

"By nature Justice is fickle, there is something maternal to process of protection and the Western thing isn't any of our faults. Women are mercurial and fickle by nature. Women are also protectors that will happily fell any man who threatens something that means enough to them. If you had ever raised a hand to your son, she would have killed you. It would have killed her, but you would have had to deal with me sooner than you thought."

Sano nodded, "I just couldn't accept the idea of serving a woman."

Hikari leaned forward, "You would never have been a servant. Servants I have. It's friends I need more of."

Her hair slipped forward with her, sliding and flowing over her shoulders and down past her hips. Her eyes still unnerved Sano, who respected the detachment, but despised the chill in those baleful green eyes.

He swallowed, unnecessarily, and met her eye to eye, "Is he actually worth all of this?"

Hikari smiled a little, just a quirk of the lips to change the rosy shape of them, "You were worth it, and I didn't even get you."

Sano bowed his head with a smile, conceding her point, "Very well."

She grinned and winked at him as she leaned back in the pillows, her hair sighed with the movement, "I'm glad you approve."

Sano replied, "I'm glad my approval means so much to you."

*******

Kenshin slipped away after Kaoru and Kenji were asleep, and under a tatami, he found the compartment where he had hidden the feather. It was long and boldly colored in gold and red, like a long flame from his fingertips. 

As he snuck out of the house, he couldn't help but see Kaoru and Kenji, and sighed sadly. What was he doing? 

He was doing what was best for his family, he thought to himself. He would make Hikari answer for today and would secure her promise that he could live to his son grow up. She kept her promises and wanted him to have a full and happy life. He hoped.


	3. too cool to be crooked and it's too firm...

Memory served him well, and he found the grove where he had first called her out to him. The warmth of the memory of that night flushed his cheeks and parted his lips with quicker breaths. He held out the feather and inhaled to call her name.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said a voice that sounded neither male nor female, "Then again, maybe I would."

Kenshin looked around, his hand automatically falling to his sword, "Who's there?"

The form in between the two trees took shape. It was nether male nor female, but attractive all the same. It's eyes were warm and loving, and its willowy height seemed to sway as it moved into the moonlight.

Kenshin almost smiled, "Agape."

"Who else?" it answered, spreading its hands, "Just trying to protect and foster."

"So why not call her here?" Kenshin asked.

"Because that's your last one, right?" Agape found a place to sit and did so with a feminine grace.

Kenshin nodded.

"She may not answer your questions. Even if she does, you wouldn't remember it anyways. If you want to forget her, then by all means go right ahead. But I hate the thought of you giving up something like this. I thought I could at least warn you."

Kenshin looked at Agape in confusion, and knelt not far away, "Can you explain that?"

"She gave you five feathers, give or take," Agape began, "When she did, she intended to clear your memory of her, so that you would live a happy life without concerning yourself with what happens after. But that was before Farral took your soul. When you use the last one, you'll forget her and anything attached to her"

Kenshin tilted his head, "I don't know if I want to do that."

"On the one hand, you might not think it a bad idea," Agape continued, "If the knowledge of her existence is causing you that much pain and discomfort, then maybe relief from that knowledge will relieve you. That way, when your time comes, you can go over the bridge just like everyone else and find enlightenment in the lie that was your life. Or you can accept the suffering for what it is, which is part of what makes Love such a desirable thing, and go into your next life with the knowledge of her love and your choice."

Kenshin frowned, "She came for me today, but didn't take me, why?"

Agape tilted its head, "Because she didn't come for you. Your seeing her today was accidental. She made a promise to you, and she keeps it."

"Why do you always seem to have the answer?"

"Because its my job to understand the intricacies of relationships," said Agape, "But Love is much more fun when you don't already have all the answers."

Kenshin tucked the feather in his gi, "Can you ask her to come see me?"

It's face screwed up in thought and hesitation, "Well, I don't know. What's in it for me?"

Kenshin's brow furrowed in confusion.

"Love is selfish and demanding," Agape said with a grin.

He didn't know how to answer, "What do you want?"

Agape seemed to think about it, "Put that feather back where you hid it, and never use it. I would rather you know the delicious suffering of truth than to live a blissful lie."

Kenshin looked down, "I will not use it tonight, but I can't answer you honestly, or make a promise like that until I've seen her."

Agape frowned at him, it more of a pout, seductive and ripe, "Why? You had all but forgotten her before today. She has kept her promise to you and asked nothing in return from you. You are not being fair to any of us."

Kenshin's eyes narrowed, a deeper bitterness than he had known rose up within him, "And how fair were any of you to me?"

Agape's pout thinned to a tight pursing of lips into whiteness, as if the color and juices had been drained from the fruit of them, "As fair as we can be," Agape rose, "Use it, and forget her. She might suffer less without the weight of you."

Its tone was so cold and bitter it literally stung Kenshin as it turned away and vanished into shadows. He hadn't meant it, not any of it. He was confused, and his confusion had made him lash out at a Kami that had always been honest with him. He stopped, and thought. All the Kami had been honest with him. Hikari had lied to him before, but only because she knew he would see the truth in it. Firrin and Agape had always answered his questions directly, just not always with the answer he wanted to hear. It wasn't a fair accusation, and he regretted the saying of it.

He bowed his head and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"You should be," her voice was familiar and warm as it wrapped around him with the comfort of a blanket against winter.

"I didn't mean…" He didn't know what to say, as he looked at her. She leaned against a tree, her hair loose, not tied back or up or anything. Just streaming in black rivulets to the ground like a waterfall on the River Styx. Her gaze was as cold and detached as it ever was, but it seemed deserved somehow. 

"You didn't know what to mean, so you thought of the most hurtful thing you could think of," she finished for him. It hurt her to see him like this. His shame seemed to drain the life from him. He seemed sort of gray all over with regret, even the brilliance of his hair, which she had played with countless times seemed darker and duller with the pallor that came over him.

"Things are different now, Hikari," Kenshin said, his voice still halting.

"And they will be different tomorrow," she finished for him again.

"I have a son," he said, and the first touch of color lighted his face.

"I noticed."

"I can't abandon him. He'll need me," Kenshin desire to plead for his life intervened on his regret.

"Then don't abandon him," Hikari said. She made things sound ridiculously simple. But in the views of the Kami, who minister over a particular aspect of human behavior or ethics, things were simple.

"Then don't take me away. I want to see him grow up," Kenshin shook off the simplicity of her statements; he had been trapped in them before.

"I think, Kenshin, that no matter what happened to you, you would see him grow up." She turned her face away from him then, down and away.

"I am not ready to die," he tried.

"Who is?" She answered.

He looked at her, exasperated. She answered him so literally, he felt as though even she gave direct answers to his questions, he couldn't get a straight answer out of her. "I am not going to let you take me yet."

She shrugged, still not looking at him, "Not that you get a choice in these things, but, to set the record straight," she raised her head slowly to meet his gaze, "I do not handle death. Quit talking to me as though I were some angel of death come to take you to the promised land. I am not a symbol of your impending doom. Today was literally a chance meeting. Sort of."

Kenshin's question didn't need to be asked, he waited for her to answer it.

She shrugged, "I have a promise to keep. I made that promise to you and you should know that you don't need feathers or rituals or any of the usual trappings. I promised you I would be there for you. All you ever have to do is ask."

Kenshin sighed, "Asking you sometimes is like taking the shortest most indirect route to get where you are going."

Hikari half smiled, "We call it going around your elbow to get to your arse, but I guess it's the same.

Kenshin looked down at her words, not sure if the bluntness or the language had embarrassed him. He tried not to smile at the image, and pursed his lips together to force the smile down. He cleared his throat of the building laugh, "All the same.."

Hikari tilted her head to the other side, and smiled at him, "All the same. I'm here. No feathers, no prayers, no incense or theatrics. Just you and me. Justice, and the one who thinks he deserves it."

Kenshin's smile diminished, "I don't mean to offend you. I'm just concerned now."

Hikari shook her head and sat down, "That's going to change, too, sadly. I can't explain it or even try to make it make sense to you. I can tell you that you are going to learn the best thing about having a home; and the worst thing."

He knelt as she sat and didn't even bother to voice his confusion.

"You'll see," she said.

Kenshin, unable to think of any way to make it make sense, changed the subject, "So you are always there?"

Hikari rolled her eyes, "Not like you can reach out and touch me or anything. And not entirely. There are other things to be done. But I do keep an eye out for you to be in trouble, If you need me, I'll intervene. And sometimes I do just check in on you to make sure everything is okay. You never know, because you can't see me unless I want you to. I rode with you on the boat for a little while yesterday, and played with your son."

Kenshin stared at her before asking, "So why show yourself? If you can only be seen when you want to be seen…"

"Because I didn't think we would run into you. Sano and I were going to go into town and get something to eat and walk around temples for the day," she spread her hands, "That's all."

Kenshin nodded, "What can I do? Not trust you?" He tried to make the idea sound incredulous, but Hikari saw through the lie. It was difficult for Kenshin to trust people, even if they weren't people and especially when he cared about them.

Hikari let it slide, "Go home. Our time is not now. Our time will come. Go be a good father while you can."

Kenshin looked at her and started to ask the question that had rumbled between them several times before. She stopped him with her upraised hand, "You didn't seriously expect to outlive your child, did you? No parent should be so cursed." 


	4. and thick and it loves, every old thing...

Just in case I haven't established this: I do not own Kenshin or any character associated with the Rouni Kenshin series. I do not own Ichiro Sano or any character associated with that series (Which I am highly disappointed to see that apparently only one other person on the planet knows who does own Ichiro Sano). I do own Sogasu Hikari, Firrin, Farral, Agape, and all those otherworldly types in here.

*******

She thought it was cute. China was a cute country, in that smelling funny kind of way. Hikari sat on the stairs of a temple, and looked up at the sun, knowing that he should be passing by any minute now.

She had even dressed for the occasion. The brown silk suit with white cuffs and a long braid to her heels gave her an almost authentic look. It was a nice day, and the sun warmed her toes in the black cotton canvas shoes as she wiggled them around in waiting.

She tilted her head and leaned forward, looking for him to come by. She watched the people, but they all looked Chinese. Finding a red-headed Japanese guy should be easy.

It was. But he looked so different. He walked slowly, and with difficulty. She frowned at the age and illness that had finally captured him. As he passed by the steps, she sat up straight and in a thin and soft voice that priests usually used, "Confucius say that man who has home has gift of assurance and curse of ingratitude."

Kenshin stopped and blinked and looked to his right at Hikari, who sat casually on the stairs next to a foo dog, "I didn't call you." He said.

"Can't friend come and visit?" Hikari asked, a little offended.

Kenshin looked down, "If that's all you are doing."

Hikari's guilt was telegraphed in the downward cast of her gaze, "It's all I'm doing." She was being honest, but her appearance clearly didn't bode well for him.

"Is it actually time, or are you just warning me?" he asked, since he knew his time was approaching soon.

She looked down again and her voice barely broke a whisper, "It's time. Let's find a nice place for you."

Even though he had known what was going to be said, he still wasn't prepared. He shook his head and backed away from her, "I'm not ready."

"Who is?" she asked, finally looking at him, and swallowing her shock, "You look like hell."

"I'm not going," he said, and started to walk away.

Hikari hopped off the stairs and walked beside him, "It's not as if you get a choice about this. And it's not my doing. This is a process that started the day you were born, and it will be over soon," she touched his shoulder gently, "This has got to hurt."

He half-shrugged, not having the energy for much more, "I would at least like to go home again, to see my family. Not to have to die here and have my family receive an empty shell as their last memory of me."

Hikari shrugged, "This isn't one of those things you can plan. And I'm not exactly the person to be making appeals. There is no person to appeal to. Death happens, where it wants, when it wants."

But the idea had already sunk in. He had to see them, he had to be with them. He had to, just once, keep the promise he made to Kaoru, and return to his home. He looked at Hikari pleadingly.

"Oh no," she put her hands up, "I just came to take a walk with you. It's kind of a long trip and I thought you might like the company. I am not here to help you deny the inevitable."

"I'm not asking to deny it. I just need a little time. Just enough to get home. Please? Then we can go."

"What part of non-negotiable are you missing here," she asked, franticly. She knew she couldn't deny him. It was a reasonable request, and within her power to do. But it would cost her. "Besides, it'll take time to get back to Japan and all that time is time that you can only suffer with this."

"I'll suffer for the time. The pain is not going to last forever, is it? We'll get back to Edo, I'll see Kaoru and Kenji, and then we can go. Hikari, please. Give me this."

She closed her eyes and bowed her head, shaking it. She looked so solemn and sad. Kenshin felt guilty for asking this of her, but if she were mortal, she would understand.

She raised her head and looked away, her eyes bright and hot for the first time Kenshin had ever seen. The idea that he had caused her whatever pain had actually made her come this close to weeping stung even more. She refused to say anything further, but seemed to fade in his vision, wavering before turning away.

"Sanosuke's going to find you shortly," she said.

Sanosuke? "Thank you," he whispered.

She shook her head again, "I just wish you would come back this time. I should have made you stay when I had you. Now I find myself granting you favors to preserve this mortality. It's not what it costs me to do this. It's having to watch you like this."

She faded from his vision before he could answer her, and turned to continue walking until he and Sanosuke were reunited. 

The pain was nearly unbearable, but passage was found on a ship and Kenshin was allowed to rest. In his resting, he often asked for Hikari, who always appeared.

" I think I understand," he said one day, "What you said about the good things and bad things of having a home."

She looked at him, listening to him. Her gaze was still frozen, in fact, much of her seemed frozen and distant from him. She hated his mortality and she hated herself for extending it like this.

"You meant that I would become so comfortable having a place to go home to, I would take it for granted."

Hikari leaned back to watch the water pass by, "How well do you really know your son, Kenshin? Have you truly seen him grow up?"

Kenshin looked down, "I suppose I haven't."

"Do you not approve of the method of your demise?" she asked another day.

"I guess I had always expected to die in battle," he answered.

"You will die undefeated, like Musashi Miyamoto. When his time came, it wasn't a sword that cut him down. It was the flu that laid him low. I see the similarities in your situations, and find it ironic," Hikari had answered.

"I find it ironic that you even understand irony," Kenshin snapped at her, whether he was in pain, or just not feeling well, or genuinely angry at her, he couldn't say. His resolve to never upset anything was gone, and the urges of selfishness so long denied were eating at him.

Hikari was never the type to pity Kenshin's condition, and met his retort with one of her own, "I find this entire existence ironic. You, I just find hypocritical today."

Kenshin looked at her, shocked that she would say something so cruel to him.

She shrugged at him and crossed her legs, "Don't look too offended. What are you going to do about it? What's left for you to worry over?"

"You don't like this," Kenshin said.

"That's stating the obvious," she replied, "How come you can't just take it like a man or something?"

"I want to see my family," he answered.

"You want forgiveness," she said, "It just now strikes you how you've neglected them, how little you've seen of Kenji. Every time you come back home, he's a whole different person than he was when you left. You seem to think that by going home, you'll be forgiven."

Kenshin sat quietly while Hikari pulled a blanket across his lap. She remained tender and caring with him, and as she leaned across him, he got a good look at her face. Her eyes and lips seemed pinched, and slightly discolored, as if she were tired. He touched her cheek then and she turned to face him, "No," he said quietly, "I have to keep a promise."

Hikari swallowed, and he could feel her breath, warm and moist, like summer mornings after a nighttime thunderstorm. He closed his eyes, feeling the sea air and her, and realized that there was very little difference.

"Then you will keep your promise, Shinta," she looked at him, invoking the power his birth name held on him, he opened his eyes to look at her again, and smiled.

"I'm sorry to have to do this to you," he said.

She shook her head, "I have to do some hard things to keep a promise. I can't make the same mistake as Firrin and be bitter about it. You're going to be mine after this. Eternity is a long time to hate someone."

Kenshin dropped his hand from her cheek and closed his fingers around hers.

Hikari sat back in the adjoining chair and felt Kenshin's eyes close. Keeping him around was hard on her. Each breath he took drained her energy, each heartbeat taxed her. Every instant he was out beyond his time of passing was her pain to bear. It was his pain that hurt her the most, though. She couldn't bear to watch him suffer, when she had fallen in love with him in his prime. It was life that drew her in, not death. But part of real love of life is to love all of it, from beginning to end and all the muddle in between.

She turned her head to look at him, "We must look very old."

He shook his head, keeping his eyes closed, "Not in my mind, we don't. Besides, you can't grow old."

She sighed, "I already have in some ways, older than you think."

He did think about it. History was just passing pages, and the future an endless sea of things to come to someone like her. She called Japan's first Tokugagwa by his first name, informally! She had told him stories of Westerners, their fairy tales and history. She spoke of the Roman Empire with a disturbing familiarity. Not only was time a different thing to her, distance was not a concern for her either. She had seen and been a part of things Kenshin couldn't understand or comprehend. He imagined that, perhaps, such a life would age anyone. She sat next to him, the perfectly preserved doll. The very picture of youth and strength, he knew that she was ancient beyond the surface, and he wondered if she ever felt her age.

"I do right now," she answered his thoughts. She clenched her jaw as Kenshin sighed, each breath bringing on the aches and pain that always happened when she disturbed the natural flow of things.

She thought about him. She had gone to so much effort for him, and yet even now, it seemed a light load to bear. She had watched him grow from the day they had met. She had been willing to give up everything to serve the Divine Will, even her right to serve it. He had only grieved for her loss, and not cared about why it was done, had only shared the pain of what had to be done.

She loved that about him, the sense of selflessness and kindness had softened her outlook immensely. So many times in his life, it would have been easier to kill his enemies than have to face them. So many times he had been tempted. More than once, she had wanted to tell him to do what was easy, but she knew that it wasn't right for him. Even as he aged, he still worked to do what was right. And his desire to keep his promises at any cost, that was something she could respect and understand. So she swallowed her suffering for him soundlessly. He had made a promise, and he would do whatever it took to keep that promise.

"May you be so loyal to me someday," she said.

His eyes fluttered open and looked at her, "Hmm?"

She shook her head and looked into the dying gaze of the brightest flame, "Nothing. I was just thinking to myself."

He sat up and put his feet on the floor, "I would like to go in now, I'm getting a little cold."

She stood up and helped him. His steps were shakier and slower, and it took him a great effort to move inside. She helped him get ready for bed, washing his face and body, and folding his clothes away. She sat down beside him as he lay down and he rested his head against her chest, inhaling that scent of eternal youth and primal beauty.

"Do you remember..?" she began.

"I remember," he whispered, and she felt the tear slip down her sternum between her breasts. She held him tightly, trying not to hurt him, and watched the stars pass to the agonal rhythm of his breathing. 


	5. jackknives and kittens and pennies they ...

So, Should I explain this generic afterlife theory of mine? Let me know, because I think I might like to try. Anyways, when I thought about it, the actual death should be kind of glossed over. I don't want to give too much away to anyone who hasn't seen it yet, and, having seen enough death in my time, I usually find it kind of anticlimactic. It happens, and that's it. There's nothing to be done to change it. By the way, I think this whole story makes more sense if you have the Sarah McLaughlin Remixed CD. I can actually see the rhythm of the songs and where they change in this one. 

This just might become a sort of engine to explain this world I think I accidentally created. Thoughts?

********

After they left the boat, everything seemed an exhausted blur to Hikari. She pulled from her own strength to give strength to Kenshin, and when that failed, she carried him toward the dojo. 

The sight of Kaoru gave him his energy back, for a time, and the good bye was short and bittersweet, but done.

"I thought it would be different, somehow," said Kenshin, who was standing beside Hikari. Relieved of his mortality, he was young and vital again. He watched Kaoru and the shell of himself, and couldn't understand why he wasn't as sad as he ought to be.

"Don't you think you should give her just a little peace?" Hikari asked. Kenshin realized that he could hear her thoughts and knew that she meant he should take his scar with him.

He paused, feeling the relief of the pain, and the smooth perfection of his skin. He then thought of Kaoru, and what he was leaving behind. He reached out to his own face and touched the scar, taking it with him.

Hikari smiled in approval, "Now would you like to take a walk with me?"

Kenshin looked at her, "How long a walk?"

Hikari shrugged, "One of the flaws of being Japanese. Your walk takes 49 days. Westerners usually are done in three," She was leaning against a tree, and Kenshin couldn't tell whether she was hugging herself or had her arms crossed.

"You can't be serious. We're cremated long before then. 

She shrugged, "Blame your religion. You'll be surprised at how much of this process is dictated by that. Of course, you're about to get a new perspective on death anyways."

He looked up at her, "I've already seen all of this," he tried to sound jaded, but realized that he had never seen things so soft and distantly beautiful. He felt her hand in his hair, and the touch seemed to race through him. Her thoughts were a loud jumble, sorting through attempts to express what he would see and do.

The words stopped suddenly, and he felt her hand fist in his hair. He felt the pain, consuming everything, every nerve, every inch of skin, inside and out was on fire with pinpricks. Rolling aches seemed to consume her joints, and he knew that her whole body felt like lead to her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, turning toward her. She was hiding it behind a half smile and a distant look down the road, but he knew she was in agony.

She turned her face toward him, and somehow her gaze wasn't so cold, but just detached, as if she were always looking beyond what she saw, "We pay a price when we meddle in the affairs of things stronger than us."

"No," Kenshin said, shaking his head urgently, "Not why is something, what exactly is wrong?" He failed to notice as they spoke that the world around them had faded slowly to gray, and he could hear nothing but his own voice.

"I don't know if I can start the journey with you, Kenshin," she answered, "I'll have to catch up."

When he looked around, he saw only the grayness and the stones that marked the road. He had been on this road before, but had not known where he was going. He turned back to Hikari to see her wings unfurling. He grabbed her wrist and squeezed, hard. She winced and recoiled from him, and relaxed her wings.

"Fine," she answered.

"If you don't tell me what is wrong, I can't help you," Kenshin said, trying to reason with her as they started to walk down the path.

"You could help me just fine by letting me help myself," She yanked her wrist free, and Kenshin stumbled, forgetting how much stronger than he she was. She caught him, and held him up.

"Hikari, I worry for you," Kenshin said.

She sighed and hugged him to her, the contact bringing bright flashes of pain in front of her eyes, "I worry for you. You know. You're dead now. That can be scary."

The contact was a welcome surprise to Kenshin, who found the touch enlivening and warm, "You can not chance the subject."

She started walking, and watching the road, "I just need a little recharge, like rice at night?"

Kenshin furrowed his brow.

"At night, the rice sags low, there's no sunlight to give it the strength to stand up straight. Same thing," She said, lacing her fingers through his, "I can only continue like this for so long before I fall into a slumber, and it hurts until I fall asleep. Or whatever that is, I guess an expanding of my consciousness to draw on as much as I can," she spread her hands in innocence, "I must've slept forever when I altered time to make up for my intrusion into your life. I essentially kept you out past your bedtime. And now I need to rest. But I promised you I would be here for you. You need me now. So I'll try to stay awake a while longer."

It dawned on Kenshin that he was the cause of her suffering, which she bore quietly and with dignity. An awful lot like…what was her name again? 


	6. each other having the fastest time becau...

Usual not owning of things. I'm getting tired of pointing out the things I don't own. I find I don't own more things than I do. Kind of depressing.

******

The walk had gotten long, and Kenshin slowed his pace to match Hikari's, who was dragging along trying not to look as miserable as she must have felt. She didn't even have the energy to hold her wings up, they drug behind her as despondent as she was.

"I told you to go get some rest," Kenshin said.

"I told you I'm too tired to try and make it home," she answered. Kenshin heard her voice, and knew it to be a half-truth.

"And you don't want to face Firrin," Kenshin said. Death had brought a strange new perception to him, and he was beginning to understand the simplistics Hikari had used on him so many times in his life. He could hear her thoughts, and while the pain had left her, the exhaustion remained, eating away at her reserves and draining her with each passing step.

"That too," she replied. Firrin was Truth, she was Justice. Firrin had created her in the rise of the laws of man, had pulled her from legend and built her into the spirit she was. She had loved Firrin all of her days, and more than once the love between creator and created had reshaped itself into tumultuous affairs of heated passion bordering on warfare.

She had always loved him and stood by him in adversity. He had always been patient with her fickle nature and violent sense of right and wrong. He had tolerated her dalliances with mortality in the past, even though the list was long and spanned most of the globe. But Kenshin had been different. He had appealed to her in a way that Firrin wasn't prepared for. When a choice had to be made, she had literally stabbed her father in the back to kill her brother and save Kenshin's mortality. Kenshin had seen one other person do that, Shishio. But Firrin hadn't died from the wound, it had healed, though the wound to his pride hadn't; and Hikari had explained that Firrin could be merciless because of it.

Kenshin felt her heart drop at the thought of returning to her home. It roiled inside him, stirring up his anger at the idea that she could be afraid to go to her own home. Hikari was never afraid, well, that wasn't exactly true. She was afraid of a great many things. But she had never cowed before them as she did now.

Hikari frowned at Kenshin's line of thinking. His mortal memories and life were ebbing away from him, and he was beginning to take on the aspect of the kami he was to become. She wished she could rest before the time came, but she would never find rest at home.

She was glad he was forgetting. His life had started out so painful and hard, he had lashed out in his youth, and paid for it with his adulthood. Hikari had met him when she had been sent to kill him in revenge for a past act. A mortal had called her down using an old Druidic right that was supposed to wreak divine justice on evildoers. Hikari had been forced from the realm of spirit and fell to earth, breaking her wing in the fall. With her wing broken, she couldn't fly, receive divine guidance, or even understand people when they spoke to her, since her native born language had been a Nordic one that didn't even exist anymore. Rather than do as she was told, she listened to the accuser's side of the story and judged the mortal, in that case, Kenshin. Rather than submit to an act that was not only not in her nature to commit, but it was unjust and would have defied the Divine Will, she had turned a moment in the fight in her favor and had forced Kenshin to cut off her wings to make her mortal. She suffered with the grief of losing her connection and divinity for several weeks, until Firrin came to take her back, explaining that her act of loyalty had given her the right to return home.

What had actually happened was that Hikari had fallen in love with Kenshin, or the life of him. He called up her passions and her maternal instincts without fighting her.

"Hikari?" Kenshin asked, "Why can't I remember my life?"

It had apparently struck him. Hikari straightened a little, "Because you're not supposed to."

Kenshin sighed, "I had thought this time would be for reflecting back over my life to decide my worthiness in one direction or the other."

Hikari nodded, "I know. Actually it is the time for sloughing away the events of your life and stripping yourself free of mortality completely. If you were progressing as most people do, you would be preparing to join the Consciousness, Divine or Infernal, whichever one fits."

"I am afraid that I would be infernal," Kenshin said.

"Hardly," Hikari said, "You are not one or the other. Those who pass on, pass into both There's a duality to it all. Not really a good or an evil, since man was both created by and the creator of all of this. I guess more of a like and don't like? People like certain things about themselves, Generousity, Faith, Love, Happiness, Honesty, Fairness. People don't like other things about themselves, Falsehoods, Greed, Envy, Laziness, you know?"

Kenshin kept quiet, listening.

"You're familiar with the Kami that serve each of the consciousnesses. Myself, Firrin, Agape, There's many others, like Hope and Faith, who are twins joined at the heart. Not physically like chest to chest or anything, but one can not exist without the other. Joy, Freedom, any of the ideals of life and man you can think of. Most of them have a Kami that sponsors that ideal.

"Then there are the infernals, I guess your best word for them is Oni. Farral, who was the spirit of corruption, the Mother of Lies, whose name has never been known because she can't tell even that without lying; misery, grief, hatred, revenge, envy, lust, though I don't know why lust was such a problem. Not my place to put things in order though.

"Most of us call each other by our job. It's sort of a name for us," she shrugged, "Like Firrin calls me Cairys; which is Justice in a form of Gaelic. Firrin is Truth in that same language. Agape is Greek for Love, but not just brotherly love, that's Philos, or whatever the Greek word is for sexual love. Agape is an all encompassing love, divine in nature, mortal in component.

"You know my oldest name, even if you can't pronounce it. So you gave me the same name in your language, and I love it dearly. The best I can remember, I was one of the legendaries, which is a sort of opposite not enemy of the anscestors. Legendaries never actually existed, but belief in them was so strong as to create them in the Great Consciousness, which is what the Divine and Infernal are collectively known as. Legendaries are creatures and peoples of myth. Like dragons. Unicorns, fairies, elves, mermaids, all the great mythical stuff that had that kind of force becomes a legendary. They're ruled by Quetzlcoatal," she stumbled over the word, "the feathered serpent god of the Aztecs."

"So what were you?" Kenshin asked, "A dragon?"

She shook her head, "An elf. Nordic style, not British. Pre-British. Beowulf, Odin the All Father, Loki, Thor kind of stuff. I don't know if I was mortal before that or not. I can't remember, it's been so long ago."

"That would explain your house," Kenshin said, "Alfheim?"

Hikari blinked at him, "What kind of backwards education did you get that teaches you the legends of Western countries?"

Kenshin half smiled at her and veiled his thoughts in mystery.

Hikari rolled her eyes at him, "You do that on purpose. You play the unknowing fool until the right question comes up, then you say something you have no business knowing."

"I thought you could appreciate that," Kenshin said.

"Annoying as hell," she answered, thought he could feel the appreciation in her voice and her mind.

"I'll stop then," he lied.

"Sure," she answered, his lie was as naked to her as a newborn. One of the other gifts she had as Justice was the ability to sort lies from the truth. Not even the best falsehood could escape her scrutiny, and half truths were seen for what they were. It made her difficult company at times, but it had served her well sitting in the courts of men, prickling the hairs of a judge's neck at the telling of a lie.

"How much longer?" Kenshin asked, out of curiousity.

"I don't know," Hikari answered, "Did you bring a watch?"

Kenshin shook his head.

"Have you seen a sun that rises or sets around here?"

Again he shook his head.

"Have you seen stars move in the sky?"

He shook his head even again.

"Then how, pray tell, am I supposed to know what time it is?"

"I thought you just knew," he answered.

"Regrettably," she stated, "Time sense is not a gift we are given. All things happen when they happen, with no nevermind to you or me as to the when, and usually not to the how either. We will get there when we get there. Not a moment before, and not a moment after."

He nodded, "Then I guess we'll get there."

She shook her head and smiled at him, "Smartass."


	7. dead's more even than how many ways of s...

The Dawnspire broke through the mist in front of them, once a distant marker of the very edge of the realm; it became defunct at the dawn of infinity. All of this was only a part of the Will, driving blindly ever forward, both good and evil, organized chaos in the endless depths and heights and distances of this infinity confined only by the perceptions of the collective minds that made up the Consciousness.

The Dawnspire was infinitely tall, yet somehow smaller and contained in the gray vastness in which it existed. It glowed a warm red and gave warmth to the bodies of the arriving dead, who had known nothing but heart-stilling cold since their passage from the world of mortality.

To Kenshin, he understood he had left the world of mortality for the world of immortality. He would not pass on to faceless enlightenment, but would continue his penance for eternity, by his own choice. He would serve those he had slain.

Hikari half listened to his thoughts. Her energy was gone, and she looked positively dry and listless. The journey had not only been long, but the effort she had expended to ensure that he would die in the arms of his wife had drained her. She longed for the rest that could restore her, but she had promised him. Even when he had asked her to go and rest, she had refused until she no longer had the strength to make it on her own. Her breath was slow and jagged, and tore at his heart to hear it. She couldn't die, he knew that. But she could be put into such a deep sleep that she slept through enough lifetimes to seem as dead.

Hikari hated the penitent man. Guilt was not something she had ever really understood, not being a creature that did things to generate it. Regret, she had decided, was different from guilt. The guilty should be punished. The regretful do not get such release, only passing under the willow boughs of their own judgment. The guilty do things they should not do. The regretful do things they wish they had not. May be not.

But penitence was a foe of hers. It contested her territory, turned the feelings of regret and guilt into a harsh judge that swallowed her right to punish or reward. Man thinks to judge himself, and cannot separate Justice from Revenge. Man seeks restoration of the status quo even as it's very passing brings change. Certainly a man who steals can pay back what is stolen. But does that return things back to the way they were? Does a woman who is raped ever remember the life she had before, or does she pull her clothes tightly around her and stare at men in fear for what they are thinking? Even if her family is compensated for the loss? What does that restore? The man who commits adultery can renounce the breaking of his vows to his wife, beg her forgiveness, compensate her for the loss. But will she ever trust him again? No. Because it has changed. Change is the great inevitable truth that man cannot and will not see. 

Man believes it is his right to have what he has always had, and to acquire more. Man does not think of loss as part of his rights, and therefore any loss is an affront to Justice. Be it property or person, man has the right to acquire, but is affronted by the inevitable change of loss.

The severity of his self inflicted punishment weighed down on Kenshin even as the actual memories of the events that had led him to this state were sloughing away. He had born his guilt for so long it had become a part of him, and would become a part of his eternal self. She almost shook her head in distaste.

The pair crossed the threshold into the tower, the warm rosy light suffused everything, causing Kenshin to blink away tears at the stripping of the coldness of death from him.

And older man who sat lazily on a dais not really paying attention to much of anything suddenly hopped down to floor level and ran over to Hikari, "Cairys!"

Hikari grinned at him, "Hi Pete," She leaned against a wall for support, and in the light, it was obvious just how beaten down she was. Her presence alone seemed to radiate the power of a higher purpose. She usually stood tall and straight, and everything was always neatly in place and clean. Here, she looked like a traveler who had seen neither food nor rest for months. She looked almost emaciated with her cheeks sunken in and dark hollows forming around her eyes.

Kenshin almost felt guilty, but then concerned. He offered his shoulder to her, and she complied, draping an arm over each of them as the old man led them to the dais. He settled them both down on soft pillows and rushed off to find something to feed them. He came back with a steaming cup of what smelled like chicken broth and handed it to her, "You're an idiot, you know that?" he said to her.

She took the cup and Kenshin felt her gratitude toward the old man, "Yes, Peter. I know," infinite patience rang in the voice that despite her appearance sounded as clear as a crack of lightning.

"Why?"

"I didn't want to go home just yet," she answered, "Have to take care of my charge, you know," she tipped her head at Kenshin.

Peter scrutinized him, "I remember."

Hikari leaned against Kenshin and offered him the cup of broth. It wasn't just chicken broth, it smelled divine, saffron and garlic and wine were mixed in. The smell was warm and inviting. He took the cup from her, "It smells wonderful."

Hikari grinned, the few moments of rest already showing their benefit, "I told you. We only eat things that taste good."

Peter smiled a little and shook his head, "Firrin's been worried sick over you. He's been stomping around here figuring you would show up. I guess he was right."

Hikari sat up, resting her hand on Kenshin's knee. She looked better, just tired, "Where I am concerned, Firrin usually stomps."

"I suppose that wouldn't be the case if you weren't such a troublemaker," the voice changed and came from above and behind Peter where Firrin now stood, his arms crossed, shining in his golden skin, hair, and gaze. He looked down at his daughter/lover in disapproval, a bitterness tinged his voice.

Peter stood up and moved out of the way, shaking his head at Hikari. Kenshin could hear his thoughts clearly. He didn't want to be involved in this.

Hikari's jaw set suddenly and the chill in her voice countered her father/lover's perfectly, "I suppose I wouldn't be such a troublemaker if I had not been made with the free will it takes to do my job. Perhaps Truth would like a little more control over me?"

Hikari got to her feet even as Firrin straightened. Kenshin rose with her, feeling protective of Hikari, despite the fact that she was stronger than he was. He wasn't a Kami yet, but his sword had come with him. 

Firrin looked at the cause of the discord between himself and his child-love. "You I think I have had quite enough of." He felt the hatred that had aged over time toward him. Firrin blamed him for the rift that had grown between himself and Hikari. Firrin loved Hikari and had never felt so betrayed as when he knew that she would have killed both father and brother to protect this mortal.

Firrin looked back at Hikari, "Come on home now. Let him cross the bridge and let's be done with all of this. Let us pass some time in each other's arms and try to heal the wounds."

Hikari shook her head, "Firrin. I love you. I always will. But you had to expect me to grow up sometime. I'm not coming home right now. I'm going to see the Ancestors. When I do come home, you will not treat this man with the contempt you have been. No matter what his decision is, I will brook no more of this. I can't. I didn't choose him over you. I chose his right to live his life over a wound I knew would heal in just moments. You had given your consent, you said I would have an opportunity. I took the one presented. Maybe it's not what you wanted, but it is what was right and just to do. We must pay for our wrongs, just as men should. Stealing anyone's mortality is a sin of all of us, and we are all responsible."

Firrin's lips thinned and tightened as she spoke, "You punish the many to find salvation for the one."

"No," Hikari said, "The sin of one of us is the sin of us all. The guilt of a crime committed by one of us belongs to all of us. We should have protected him better. We should have made sure that Farral couldn't take a still-living soul from its body. We should have maintained the balance of our family line. We failed Firrin. And our failure ruined this man. I have lived to correct the mistakes, Firrin. What have you lived for?"

Firrin knew that arguing with Justice was just a bad idea. Her words inspired armies, and she always seemed to sound right, even if she wasn't. He shook his head, "I know only truth, Cairys. You can tell me what you will, and it rings of truth. But there is more than one truth at stake here. More than one view. You can't see that, and you won't. Justice is set on the path of righteousness, and does not diverge."

The last sentence was a part of her codex. The bits and pieces of a sort of code that each Kami had that defined their position. They were almost like rules, or proverbs. Each one was usually cryptic and wise and defined some aspect of the ideal each Kami embodied. Calling on another Kami's codex was common, a reminder that all of them were servants.

Hikari answered, "Truth brings suffering, for it's grace is that of a tree, falling in the forest and crushing all that is beneath it." She invoked his codex, and not one of the most flattering sections of it. 

Firrin shook his head, "I just wish…"

"You just wish that things would go back to the way they were," she finished for him, "Change is inevitable, Firrin. That is the greatest truth of all. Now let me go, and you and I can fight more when I return."

Kenshin sputtered at her words, sounding as if a battle between the two would be a privilege. Firrin shrugged and stood aside, passing another glare at Kenshin as the two walked past him.

There was a balcony there that gazed over a misty gray landscape. Hikari sat on the rail, her health returning.

Kenshin stopped in front of her and took her hands up in his, "Well? Now what?"

Hikari looked at him, the shivering green gaze pierced his own violet one. Her eyes were narrowed and calculating. And he realized that he loved her, all of her, except those unfeeling eyes.

"You have a choice to make," she answered.

"What choice?" he asked in return, choosing instead to look at her hands rather than subject himself to those eyes.

"You do realize you can still choose to go on. You can leave me here and all of this and go onto the bridge to find enlightenment," She answered, turning to look to her left where the ghostly form of a massive bridge spanned the grayness.

"What is the difference, really?" Kenshin asked.

"The difference between being god, and serving it," she answered. 


	8. unnatural hair has in the morning

My my my. The poem is ee cummings "gee i like to think of dead" I had hoped maybe someone would at least recognize the style. I'll stick with it for a while since it gets really really good. Of course, ee cummings is one of my favorite borderline sociopath poets ever. I guess an "E" name is good for that thinking of Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Okay so I don't own Kenshin. And if you are reading this, you probably know who does. Sano Ichiro is not mine. Sano belongs to Laura Joh Rowland, who writes some really excellent diversionary books. Or as I like to call them, my cheesy samurai murder mysteries. She paints a pretty if not accurate picture. And while most of her characters are unfinished, the one that is finished I do not like. That may be why I think she is finished. Either way, check her out at your local bookstore or library.

Hikari belongs to me, and the interpretation of Tokugawa Ieyasu belongs to me too. For the record, since I'm seeing the name pop up more and more: the very literal translation for "Hikari" is "Light." As in a beacon or source of light. Not light as in weight. "Sogasu" is literally translated as "to search", or as part of a name, "one who searches." So, Sogasu Hikari in the very liberal translation is "Lightseeker" or "Seeker of Light." This being one of my favorite images of a person, I have over 14 different names that translate out to the same thing.

The world is developing, I promise. :)

********

Kenshin toyed with Hikari's hands, the fingers were long and slim and the nails were short, with perfect little crescent moons in each cuticle. He turned her hands over and looked into the palms, thinking about how people said you could see someone's future in the palms of their hands.

Her wrists were slim and he could see the purple blue of veins under her skin. Her skin was almost pearlescent, and infinitely soft to the touch. He pondered her hands rather than stare down the decision she had just put before him.

"Well?" She said. Her voice barely broke a whisper, and made him think of the sound of the wind through rice paddies. Her voice rippled and swished at once. He pursed his lips together, wanting to not have to make the choice.

Hikari watched Kenshin's fingers as they gripped her hands. His death had brought back his vitality, and his hands, with long fingers and short nails, still felt a little rough with the time he spent with a sword. She liked the roughness of human men. She loved their tiny flaws that only added to their perfection. She inhaled deeply and smelled the same familiar smell of him, sandalwood and sweat, light, and masculine. Unable to resist the urge to do so, she extricated her hands from his and locked her fingers into his hair. The tightening of the strands around the fingers seemed to change the color of them, from flaming orange-ish red to almost blood soaked. She pulled him to her and kissed him. A firm pressing of lip to lip to lip to lip. He wobbled in his surprise, then caught himself without separating them. He rested his hands on the tops of her thighs and leaned into her.

She felt his eyes close, a brushing of lashes against her own. They tickled her cheek, and only provoked her desire to remain close to him. Here, in the place where life separated from death, where the choice of immortality was made. Here he was kissing Justice, and here they were being driven by a base instinct that delved beyond the virtues of men to the primal creation of the world. When light sorted from darkness, when land severed from sea, this urge, this desire for the unification of the half souls of men and women existed. He moved himself closer to her, gripping her shoulders, not willing to break any contact.

She relaxed her fingers in his hair and they dropped to the nape of his neck. She wished somehow she could crawl inside of him, or vice versa, so she could feel him everywhere there was to be felt. He was so much shorter than she that she seemed to almost swallow him as she got to her feet and kept her head dipped so that she could drink from his lips and breath his breath. Her wings enclosed them both, wrapping them in the screen of flame colored feathers in the rosy light of the Dawnspire.

Finally, and irrevocably, she pulled away from him and sat back, a cold fire lit in her gaze, her lips were pink with his kisses and her skin fairly glowed with the heat that had passed between them.

"I'll go with you," he whispered, his voice sounding huskier than he had planned.

She made a sort of face, and nodding, "Well, yeah, now you will."

"What is that supposed to mean," he asked.

"I bet if we went at it right here, I could probably have you talked into doing my laundry and cleaning my bath too, right?"

Kenshin knew what she was thinking. She thought it was the moment of passion that had inspired his decision. Seeing the opportunity, he took it, but she had left so many doors open!

He gripped the hem of her shirt and started to lift it past her hips, his fingers brushing the deliciously bare skin under there. He kissed her right beneath her collarbone and smiled, "I have no problem with doing your laundry. I also have no problem giving you even more reasons to do your laundry."

She laughed a little and gently pushed his hands away, "You are a terrible distraction. And if I weren't so tired, I'd indulge myself in you." She leaned forward and kissed him lightly, "But let's settle the business at hand, then we can play."

He clasped her fingers in his stopping her attempt to shoo him away, "I think I need this," he started, "I think I need to exist for a higher purpose. I think there's a part of me that fears being a faceless part of something to which I don't think I've ever really belonged." He let go of her fingers to place them over her mouth to stop the protest he knew was welling there. 

"You can tell me how it is a part of everything and everything is a part of it, but that's not what I mean. If it's so wonderful, Hikari, why aren't you in there? It's not because you aren't a part of it. It's because you're a part of it in a different way. A way that I think suits me better than a blind existence of mindless bliss as an unidentifiable part of something that cannot be contained or defined."

Hikari took his fingers from her lips and nodded quietly, "Then I guess we need to get to the Ancestors."

"I thought you would be pleased," Kenshin said.

Hikari looked at him, catching his gaze and sending his spine rigid. Not because she tried, but because her gaze was so unnatural, and so out of place with such a warm voice and body. Those cold eyes bothered him immensely, especially now, as he looked into them and saw the detached nature, the lack of true involvement with the reality of humanity.

"Kenshin, you are not doing this for my approval or anyone else's. Or at least you shouldn't be," she said.

Kenshin took in a breath, "No. But I would like to know that you are pleased with my decision."

"I would have been pleased with any decision you had made," she said, finally getting to her feet and stretching out her wings, trying to see if she could make it to the Ancestors on what little energy she had been able to garner. 

Kenshin looked at her confused, until he listened to her, she would have been pleased with him no matter what he decided. All she wanted was his happiness.

She gave a few test flaps, stirring up a breeze in the stillness of this gray place, and looked at him, "I should be able to make it just fine. You ready?"

He nodded and the pair left the balcony of the Dawnspire behind them, the gray mists closing in over distant forms as they made their way to the Ancestors.

The Ancestral lands from up high looked very much like the world he had left. Except that beside the palace where Hikari was getting ready to land, stood a massive European castle, a dark and foreboding shadow over the bright and clean palace. 

Hikari was out of breath when she landed, and held up her hand to the guard to wait until she could catch her breath. The trip had been tiring for her, on the very edge of her energies.

Kenshin landed beside her and waited, knowing better than to offer her help. After a couple of seconds she inhaled deeply and straightened to look at the guards. "I apologize. It's been a very long journey. Ieyasu-sama is expecting me."

One of the guards was still looking at her in wonderment, and Kenshin heard her thinking he must be newly deceased. That same guard looked back at her and said, "Who am I to tell him is calling?"

The second guard, more seasoned and familiar with the workings of this side of the world gaped at his companion in surprise. He started to answer, "You don't ask her…"

"Sogasu Hikari, or Cairys, or Justice, whichever, really. I'm not particular," Hikari interrupted, hoping to save the guard a little embarrassment.

"You don't ask a Kami which Kami he or she is, you idiot," he said once Hikari had finished explaining herself, "You're lucky she doesn't strike you down for questioning her."

Hikari rolled her eyes, and Kenshin dipped his head to hide the smile that was growing as he heard Hikari's thoughts. "Why does everyone insist that I strike people down? What did I do to deserve this reputation?"

The guard tried not to cower as Hikari continued, "Go inside and tell Ieyasu to either get out here or let me in."

She had failed to use the honorific, something she usually did, since she found Ieyasu to be a great companion, but not really her superior. Kenshin's shoulders shook with the attempt to contain the laughter, as Hikari's thoughts were completely different than her words. She almost seemed nervous, a prospect to a man who had seen her as a supremely confident being, seemed truly funny.

She popped Kenshin on the shoulder, "Shut up." Her voice was teasing, masking a smile beneath her serious exterior.

Moments later the guard appeared and led them inside the palace, which was Nijo Castle in its heyday. The gardens were perfectly manicured, the entire castle was in top shape, and samurai stomped around the grounds looking very important.

Hikari sat down inside the entryway and pulled off her boots. Kenshin stepped out of his zori and followed her into the main body of the castle. Almost immediately, the sound of birds seemed to fill the air. Kenshin looked around in wonder, but could not see the birds. Then, something in the back of his mind reminded him that Nijo Castle had a specially constructed floor that made these noises whenever it was walked upon, so as to warn of intruders. The palace itself seemed in a bustle and Kenshin almost lost Hikari a couple of times as she wound around the corridors and in between people. Most people stood aside for her, not necessarily out of respect, but because her wings took up a great deal of space.

She finally rounded a turn and stopped in front of a section of wall that Kenshin saw was a door. She pulled open the painted panel and told him to have a seat in there so that he could watch everything. If Ieyasu asked for him, he could come out of the doors in front of him which led directly into the room.

Kenshin kneeled on the soft pillows and fresh tatami and peered out of the screen into the main audience chamber where Ieyasu and another man were kneeling and waiting for Hikari. Hikari was let into the room and bowed with all the grace of a Japanese Courtier.

"Tokugawa, I apologize for my appearance, and would request some time to clean up before we continue with our business. Though I have come to let you know that all things are arranged and once I feel civilized again, we can begin."

Ieyasu smiled at her, "Not that I don't find your Western appearance charming, but you do look as though you have had a hard time of it. Is he here?"

She nodded.

Ieyasu nodded, "I see. Good. Then by all means, go and rest, and come see me when you are ready. Not here of course."

Hikari nodded her understanding and almost purred, "I look forward to it. And thank you for your hospitality." When she turned she seemed to sweep out of the room, and seconds later, Kenshin heard the door behind him open. Hikari helped him out of the tiny chamber and onto his feet. She kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, "I'll see you soon, I promise. Just enjoy this for now."

Kenshin looked at her strangely but nodded, and followed the boy servants down the corridor.

Hikari followed the maids down the corridor to some quarters where she bathed, got something to eat and drink, and got dressed. She remembered the things Sano had taught her about subtlety and seasons when dressing, and chose kimono in layers of soft lavender and white. Her obi was embroidered with crocuses breaking through the snow to bloom, and the uchikake, or over robe she pulled on had them blossoming from the hem and the bottom of the sleeves. Her hair was tied back simply and her face was left clean. She declined the cosmetics offered, explaining that she was a Kami, and did not have the same rights as the ancestors. She made them feel her equals or superiors, and soon the maids were at ease with her as they discussed what Hikari had learned about Japanese traditions.

Finally, Hikari left to find Ieyasu's private chambers, and after a while, the corridor turned and Hikari found herself staring at a panel. She opened the panel and peered in, seeing Ieyasu seated and leaning on a small table.

"Hikari, please come in," Ieyasu smiled in approval at her appearance, "You look almost authentic. I'm sure the effort will be appreciated."

Hikari kneeled across from him, deciding in her mind that chairs and pillows were by far a better thing than kneeling on floors. Her brow furrowed at his remark, "Will be appreciated, Ieyasu?"

He nodded, "Hai. As much as I would have enjoyed the privilege, I owe it to another more in tune with your mindset to continue this process," he looked at her straight posture, the angling of the kimono layers, in the Heian style, left her neck bare. While he was as interested in chests as any man, he found the neck the more telling feature of a woman's natural grace and internal strength.

"I beg your pardon?" Hikari straightened a little more, the crocus blossoms shifting around her.

"Ichiro is more appropriate for this task, if that suits you."

Hikari thought about it. Sano had been a good friend for a while now, and she enjoyed his company immensely. But the change in plans unsettled her, and she inhaled. Unlike Ieyasu, she was not good at hiding her discomfort. "Considering that I am the one petitioning here, Ieyasu, I will comply with your conditions."

"I have always appreciated your directness and understanding," Ieyasu said, "If you will excuse me." He rose and left the room, leaving Hikari a little knocked off her feet.

The door behind Hikari slid open and shut and she could smell the almond oil that permeated Sano's presence. He knelt behind her and she could feel him bow. "Hikari." He paused, unsure of what suffix to give her. Sama seemed too formal for the situation, dono seemed juvenile.

"Sano-san," she answered, correcting his problem of finding a suffix. 

Kenshin had been bathed and fed and generally pampered, much to his discomfort. He curled up against a wall finally alone. Or at least for just an instant. The shoji slid open again and a tall, cowled figure walked into the room and knelt across from him. When the cowl was pushed back, Kenshin was looking at the rich blue skin and green eyes of one of Hikari's servitors. He remembered that the Divine Servitors were those who chose to serve the Kami. Each Kami's servitors looked a great deal alike. The differences were subtle beyond those of gender, if they decided to have a gender. Hikari's were called the Sweeping Wind, he thought. They were all immensely tall, the women averaged seven feet easily, men could be up to nine. They had brilliant blue skin and stark white wings and hair. He understood there was a strategic reason for their coloring, but he couldn't remember what. They never had names, and Kenshin usually found it a challenge to not ask them personal questions, since they didn't have a real sense of person, only the unity they found through their service, their answers could be disturbingly educational.

This one had a gender, female, but she was muscled better than any man Kenshin had seen. Her head was shaved save a topknot of brilliant white hair and she looked down at him from her position, which, if he were standing, she would probably be eye to eye with the tiny Kenshin.

"Yes?" Kenshin asked.

"I'm here to help you. I was asked to make sure your change goes smoothly," she had a voice as slick as ice, and about as warm too.

"Change?" Kenshin asked, sitting up.

She nodded, "Your change into a Kami. You didn't think you were perfect already, did you?" She smiled a little, Hikari's servitors were known for their weird senses of humor.

"Well, I…" He furrowed his brow, confused again, and just when he thought he was getting the hang of it. He thought about Hikari, and tried to feel her thoughts.

Hikari kept her head bowed as Sano shifted her hair to the side to reveal the nape of her neck. Her wings had been tucked away into whatever space they went to. She felt Sano's breath on the back of her neck, "I don't want you to be uncomfortable with this Hikari," he said softly.

She turned to face him, "Not uncomfortable. Just trying to figure out how to not look like a lamb to slaughter. I had expected this to be handled with Ieyasu. An act of affection at best," she turned her head away and down.

Sano tilted his head, surprised at how the mannerisms weren't so different between Western and Eastern women. "Hikari, I didn't mean to throw you off balance. If you wish it, I'll leave and inform Ieyasu."

She looked up and shook her head rapidly, sending ripples of cold shadow over the rich violet of the blooms of her robe. "That's not necessary, Sano," deciding the time for words was past and pointless, she rose on her knees and closed the distance between them. 

She was so different from his wife, Sano thought as the heat rose up between them. He tasted the wonder of her kiss and his last thought before slipping under the spell of her was that someone had better appreciate what he had.

It was strangely more passionate than either of them had expected. It was an act of rapid desperation, a need to fulfill. No time was wasted lingering over curves and soft places, enjoying the softness of one another. It seemed more like an interruption in a conversation to take a sip of tea. 

Kenshin leaned forward suddenly, feeling flush and dizzy. Her hand touched his arm and whispered comforts that were no more well understood than breezes talking to birds. It wasn't unpleasant, just surprising, the heat within him, the energy seemed to seethe into him in a rush and he gasped in surprise at its strength. He closed his fingers around his head, trying to understand the humming he heard, and jerked suddenly, pulling his hair free to curtain around him.

He only vaguely felt the servitor remove his gi, and the cool of her hands seemed to arouse him only further. Arouse? Yes, that's what this was. It was an intense awakening and arousal within him. He could almost feel hands on him, hot and passionate, tracing searing lines through his flesh.

He closed his eyes, and felt himself soaring above and beyond whatever he had thought or dreamed, and then he dove into the darkness, a flaming star of light shattering the shadows around him.

Hikari felt Kenshin's surprise and exhilaration. She raised her head from the bath and looked at Sano. Fueled by her empathy with him, she pulled Sano to her and onto her. She kissed him warmly, but with a strength that couldn't be put into words. Her wet hands ran up his back, drawing out pink lines for the rivulets of water to fall. He came down on her, unable to resist the primitive nature of her. This was not so much as an interruption in conversation as a second try.

When Kenshin awoke, he was alone in a darkened room. What woke him up was the door sliding aside to let someone in. He blinked in the darkness and asked, "Who's there?"

The lamp on the table was brightened, revealing Hikari, her hair was still damp and clung to her back in rivers of cold shadow that outlined her shape and puddle on the floor behind her. She was wearing kimono, how many Kenshin couldn't tell, but they were closed with a quickly done obi. Her face shone in the light of the candle as she turned to look at him.

She held her breath to keep from gasping. He fairly glowed with the new life within him. His eyes were brilliant, almost violent purple. The amber light of the lamp danced in the depths of them. There was a new softness to his lips and a hardness to his chin. She bit her lower lip as her gaze continued over the strong and delicate body. She raised her gaze to his again and blinked at him.

He just couldn't find the words. Something had happened to him. It was the most something that had ever happened to him. He wasn't sure what it was the most of yet. He tried to get to his feet and promptly lost his balance and fell back hard on feathers and bone.

"Suppose I ought to explain about that," she tipped her head sort of over his shoulder as he tried to stand up again, and felt a heaviness at his back. He turned his head, and then his body, and then walked in a couple of circles before grabbing one of the wings and pulling it around to his vision. He looked at her as he held onto the top of his wing.

"Well how did you think you were going to get around?" Oh she loved those wings. They were such subtle shades of purple and gray and gold, like a sunset, everything blending into everything else.

His face softened suddenly, a strangely benevolent act that left him looking most saintly and seductive. When he spoke, it was as if the crickets in the garden outside quieted to listen to the soothing of his voice, "Somehow, Hikari, I thought Redemption would walk." 


	9. dead's clever too like POF goes the alar...

Hikari unfolded some clothes for him and smiled at him, "If you walk everywhere, you won't get very far. I know the journey's the thing, but it's a much more difficult journey when the ground runs out."

Kenshin took the clothes as they were offered and began to dress himself, Hikari catching him when he lost his balance, "Is any of this going to be explained?"

"Does it need to be?" she asked in reply. She watched him dress, and noted his lack of discomfort with her presence. Kenshin looked up at her at the thought.

"I guess, well, which question do you want answered first?" Kenshin asked her.

She shrugged, "So Redemption, hmm?"

"You wanted me to be happy," was his reply.

She nodded, "I like it."

When everything was tied, Kenshin pushed the unruly and untied hair from his face. He looked at her and smiled, then the thought crossed his mind, "I thought I was supposed to have split in two."

"You did," Hikari said, "I moved him out of here before I woke you up. He will be Sano's responsibility to teach him how to fit in here. You are mine." She said the words with a surprising possessiveness. The entire process around that thought, which Kenshin saw clearly, was fascinating. His new sense could barely keep up with the layers of thought over that one sentence.

"When do we go to where we are supposed to be?"

"Now, if you like," she answered him. "God-willing and the creek don't rise, I won't have to teach you to fly either. I know there's a connector around here somewhere."

"God what?" Kenshin asked.

"God-willing and the creek don't rise. An American saying. Oh you're going to love America. It's so much fun. It's messy and wild and is like this screaming toddler in the world's political arena. It'll be a good contrast for you," She started around the room in circles, and Kenshin felt her consciousness working its way outward, looking for something.

"When do I learn to fly?" he asked.

"When you least expect it," she answered, her voice a little distracted as she continued to reach around with her mind.

"Why would I only need to learn to fly when I least expect it?" Kenshin asked.

Hikari smiled and turned for the door, "Aha."

"Oh," he said, following her. 

He had hoped this change would at least allow him to understand her sense of humor. The only thing he really understood right now was that it wasn't what she was that gave her that strange sense of humor. It was who she was. 

She shuffled down the hall, raising a flock of birds around her as she walked. She turned out into the garden under a soft purple night sky. She turned around and grinned at Kenshin. He saw her wings snap out wide and rustle the grasses around her.

She was barefoot. Kenshin stepped into the zori before stepping out into the grass. He tried the same maneuver as she had done. He tried to snap out his wings, but found he could barely move them, and frowned in disappointment. Then he realized why she wasn't going to teach him to fly, he wasn't strong enough yet.

"Aha." She said again with an enigmatic smile. She led him away from the palace and into the gardens where they passed an island that was shaped to look like a turtle. She took that on the left and passed by the entrance to the second palace, then turned left and moved along the edge of the wall, "Yeesh, it's cold out here," she almost complained. But the complaint came out more like a statement.

She stopped suddenly, and groped her fingers along the wall, her fingers closed over something and she smiled again, with what was now becoming an almost irritating, "Aha."

Kenshin almost melted with exasperation at her manner. If he were another person he would roll his eyes at her or make a face. Rather, he found the resigned sigh a fitting tribute to her odd behavior. So he sighed, and then gasped when he was yanked into the wall, hard.

He shut his eyes, waiting for an impact that never came, and then stumbled forward into soft grass. When he opened his eyes, there was familiar golden light suffusing his world, and Hikari was pulling a large stone door shut behind her.

As he looked around, he saw a lot of doorways. The whole affair was like some huge garden, and archways, doors, windows, even flaps of hide were arranged in the most flattering positions that could be found. 

"The portal garden," she said as he wondered where he was, "It's our way of getting from one place to another in a hurry. The doors open all over this realm and the mortal one. I mean sure, you can fly from Brazil to Spain. But if time is an issue, and you have to remember that time passes there, so it usually is an issue, all you have to do is find a connection point. You find the door and it opens here. You go to the door that opens into the place you are going to, and it takes you there. Make sense?"

Kenshin shook his head, "Why would I ever need to get around so quickly?"

Hikari smiled a little, "You want to see why?" She was already stripping out of the kimono, which bloomed into purple crocuses as they touched the ground. From nowhere she pulled on her shirt, and then hopped around trying to get into her pants.

Kenshin watched her and smiled. Even when she fell forward and rolled over into a flip to get back on her one foot again, he managed to keep it down to a snicker before answering, "So that you can look like a wounded duck hopping around here?"

She pulled her pants on with a dramatic straightening of her body and a resumption of her balance, "People in glass houses," she said.

Kenshins eyes widened in innocence, drawing her nearly indignant gaze into the depths of them. She definitely liked the eyes. Such a warm and wonderful difference from her own. She hated her eyes. As she thought about that, she pushed Kenshin in the shoulder and watched him fall over. 

Kenshin was actually caught off guard, he had been so occupied sharing her thoughts. He propped himself up on his elbows and slipped her a mysterious smile under the tousled curtain of hair that covered his eyes now, "Aha."

She smiled, "Finally, you get it."

"How could I not, with such a persistent tutor?" He took the hand she offered for him to get on his feet.

She smiled at him again, a little brighter this time, "I thought it would be because I had such a brilliant pupil."

She was beginning to understand Firrin's attachment to her. She wondered for an instant if Kenshin would ever turn away from her as she had from Firrin. Well, she supposed, things happen as they happen. She still had that promise to keep. Even if he turned away from her, she would always be there for him.

"Hiko used to think otherwise," Kenshin said, "But that was his nature. He was afraid to get too attached to anyone or anything," he blinked at his own words, "I remember my life."

She nodded, "Yep. All the muck had to be stripped away before you could be sorted out. Now it's more like topsoil for the garden of your eternity."

Kenshin widened his eyes at her in approval, "Very poetic, almost."

She widened her eyes at him, which just made them look ever the more creepy, when she relaxed, she said, "So do you want to see this or not? I mean there's a whole world of mortals out there to meddle with, and this is the important part."

Kenshin furrowed his brow and pursed his lips at her, "Won't somebody notice?"

She shook her head, "Here's your first real lesson. You have very finite control over certain things. You are there, or you are not there. Or you are there beyond sight. Or only parts of you are there. You can only ever show as much of yourself as you want to be seen. Unless you break a wing of course, but you should remember that."

He nodded.

"So what you do is no matter where you are, you think of how much of yourself you want to show. Visual is the easy part. It takes practice to learn to cover your smell or sounds or for particularly sensitive people, the force of your presence."

He listened, "So where are we going?"

She smiled, "Since you're remembering your life, and since you'll learn the lessons faster on familiar ground, I thought I'd go bother Saitoh."

His eyes widened for real this time, not just a raising of the brows, but as if he couldn't absorb that thought through his eyes, so he widened his eyes to help, "I don't know about this, do you bother him often?"

She grinned at him, "Every chance I get, actually. He's so borderline he needs a lot of attention. I'll help you in hiding for a little while. But remember that he can't see you unless you want him to. I doubt he could smell you, as much as he smokes."

She started walking through the garden, leading him to a huge blackish brown Tori arch. "The Meiji Shrine," she said, "It's not too far from where Saitoh is."

She turned from it suddenly, and raised her right arm. Kenshin felt the stretch of her consciousness and in a flash of blue, her right arm was covered in a bluish armor that seemed to flow and fit to her. Her fist was wrapped around a sword whose hilt and crosspieces were tongues of flames that wrapped around her hand and extended down and into the blade. Its twin was at her hip. Her hair arranged itself into the topknot that stuck out of the open-faced helm, and the shirt was gone in favor of such a fine torso covering of armor that it looked like fabric. She grinned at him, "I like to scare him. He likes to think he can't be scared."

Kenshin didn't bother to shake his head as he was drug through the arch. Sure enough, they were on the promenade for the fairly newly constructed Meiji shrine. Even more strange, no one seemed to notice them.

They passed through the streets, and Kenshin inhaled the scent of home to him. He almost immediately thought of Kaoru and wanted to see her.

"We'll see," he heard the voice in his mind.

They approached the police headquarters and Kenshin had to move fast to keep up with Hikari as she slipped through doors being opened. He knew that she couldn't open the doors herself, since that would just look haunted. He followed her through the winding hallways of the building until they came to a door. She smiled and winked at Kenshin and threw the door open with a bang.

Saitoh sat up at his desk and looked through the door. Hikari nudged Kenshin in first and then walked in behind him. Saitoh could apparently see her because he sat back and lit a cigarette, "Oh, you again. Why do you bother me?"

Hikari painted on her most pleasant face, "Well Saitoh, if you wouldn't do such questionable things, I wouldn't have to bother you."

"Don't you see that I don't like you?"

She leaned over his desk and blew his smoke back into his face, "You don't like anybody. Especially people who are right."

"I don't think you qualify as people," he replied.

"Neither do you," she said.

"Point taken," he said. "What do you want?"

Hikari fell back into the guest chair and dropped her feet on his desk, the metal of her shin guards clattering as she did so, "To further the cause of Justice and keep you from getting the punishment you deserve."

"Oh?" he said, feigning disinterest, "I'm going to hell now?"

"Jackass," she said, "There is no heaven and hell. There is like and don't like. And you can not possible like that money in your top left hand drawer."

He half nodded, "You're enough punishment for anyone. Why do my finances concern you?"

"Not your finances, Baka, the way you acquire them," she said, using one of the Japanese words she had learned.

"And that interests you how?"

"Policemen who takes bribes further the cause of corruption, not that of Justice. People who further the cause of corruption have to deal with me at some point in their lives. You just have to deal with me a lot more than other because you can't learn a damned lesson."

"So are you going to turn me over a knee and spank me?" He almost sounded hopeful.

"You should be so lucky. Until you fix what you did, you can't smoke."

"Huh?"

She wiggled her fingers dramatically, "Until you correct your mistake and further the cause of Justice like you are supposed to, you can't have a single puff off of a single cigarette. But you will always want one." She pointed at his chest, and as if on cue, he started to cough.

He couldn't stop coughing, in fact, until he extinguished his cigarette. That was about enough for him, "What do I do?"

"You know what to do. Just like you know just from not just. Fix it." She stood then, and turned away. Kenshin saw Saitoh's hand go for his sword, and before he realized what he was doing, Kenshin broke past Hikari and drew his own sword, slamming it down on Saitoh's fingers.

Saitoh cried out in pain and looked up, expecting to see her. Rather he was staring down the Battousai. The dead Battousai was looking at him, but not the ragged wanderer that had passed from the world months ago. This one was young and vital and alive, and in a way terrifying. His jaw was dropped in shock and pain. "You," he croaked.

Hikari's metal covered hand closed over Kenshin's and he vanished as suddenly as he had appeared. She touched Saitoh's hand and the pain vanished, "Think twice next time. You never know what's in the corner."

"Did he have wings?" Saitoh asked.

"Yup." 


	10. little striker having the best time tick...

Once outside the building, Hikari burst into fits of laughter. She ducked around a corner into a quieter place and held onto her sides as she doubled over. It eventually overcame her ability to stand and she slid down the wall to sit on the ground until she could control herself.

"Oh that was funny," she gasped, "You're going to be good at this. Did you see the look on his face?"

Kenshin smiled down at the heap of his new mentor, "I didn't mean to break his fingers."

"I think he needs a change of clothes, Oh gosh." She fell over on her side and breathed in deep to get control of the breathing the laughter had taken from her.

He squatted into front for her and looked at her, "How did I break his fingers? I didn't hit that hard."

She pulled herself into an upright sitting position, "You're stronger now than you were when you died. You'll have to adapt to that." The smile still colored her face.

Kenshin absorbed the information with a nod, "Will he do the right thing?"

She breathed deeply a couple of times to get control of herself and nodded, "That's why I have so much fun with him. He's so conflicted. He doesn't want to be a good guy. He doesn't want to be loved; he wants to be feared. But in the end, despite all of his fighting it, he always does the right thing. I just like to poke in and remind him of that every so often. Especially when he drags his feet like this."

"You like him," Kenshin said more than asked.

"So do you, despite your better judgment," Hikari answered, taking the hand he offered her to get to her feet, "He's gotten you into more trouble than anyone, and yet you always accepted it, and him at face value."

Kenshin didn't say anything because it didn't need to be said. The kind of communication they shared was as much empathic as vocal, and he could feel her thoughts as she spoke. She had been serious when she had told them that there were no secrets between the kami. All hearts were laid bare and open to each other.

"They don't all work like this, though. Saitoh is for fun, and for the longest time believed that I was some hallucination of his. Let's see, who else have I actually shown myself to that you know? Hiko." She looked skyward first to think of the name, and then down at him, "Of course to him I am an illusion of his drunkenness. I showed myself to you by accident," she frowned, trying to think.

"The emperor?" Kenshin asked, figuring that the emperor could see kami anyway.

She shook her head, "The truly powerful have to be handled with delicacy. They are so afraid of not being in complete control, they won't tolerate even the slightest impression that they are not the ones pulling the strings. Then there are the criminals. Have you seen the ones who will suddenly confess to everything, usually to show off their genius?"

He nodded, "Your doing?"

"Not really, but sort of. You'll learn how to soul whisper. And that's how you handle the delicate situations. You speak to their souls. You convince their souls that fairness and justice are better than the opposite. Or, in the case of the criminal types, you stroke their vanity, make them feel that they are so clearly superior that have already succeeded and wouldn't it be a crime if the world did not know how such a raging success was pulled off. It's a little complicated."

"I do not think I like the idea of using trickery," Kenshin said.

"Why not?" she asked, "Why should I handicap myself in the name of honor, when my enemy would not only refuse me such quarter, but would use my handicap to assure his victory? Trickery is a weapon, as much as sword. When faced with a fight, I will not fight bare handed without using the sword available to me. My enemy would just as soon steal the sword from me and cut me down with it."

"I still don't like it," he said.

"You're getting stubborn," she answered, pulling him through a door. 

In the garden of portals, Hikari tripped over stone and stumbled a couple of steps forward.

"Your impatience leads to your own doom," Kenshin remarked.

She straightened at him, entirely too tall, too thin, too pale, and too distant to have ever been real, "Yeah, well at least my wings work." These she snapped out for dramatic effect, and again, that effect of distant thunder rolled through the air.

"And just when do I learn all of these little touches?"

She tried not to smile at him, and failed, though her smiles never reached her eyes. Far from lifeless, her eyes were just cold, as if she watched the world rather than took part in it. Kenshin privately wondered if he would acquire the same ennui that she tried so very hard to cover up.

"When you least expect it," she answered.

If it were in his nature, he would have rolled his eyes. But the resigned sigh conveyed his message just fine. He tried again to move his wings from their folded position, and was unsuccessful.

He felt a hand close over the top of a wing and turned to face Hikari, who pulled the wing out straight, "I can only show you the very basics. It's not that you're too weak to move them, it's that you don't understand how." The pulling seemed to awaken new muscles in his back, and he felt the twinge as nerves fired off the new position of his wing.

"There are two major joints in each wing, and then you'll have to figure out fine muscular control to manage feathers and twist and whatnot. This one here in the middle is like a hinge," she opened and closed it a few times, much to Kenshin's discomfort, "See?"

He winced, "I feel it more than see it."

"You're supposed to feel it. New muscles, have to know how they all work. So like I said, This is a hinge joint, it only goes one way. This," she pushed the entirety of his wing forward, causing him to stumble, "Is a very restricted socket joint, kind of like your shoulder, but with a lot less mobility. You do a lot of your fine tuning here."

As she pushed, he felt the new muscles and began to get an idea of how they worked, She tugged and pulled at joints and feathers until she had gone over the whole thing. She showed him how to spread his feathers, twist his wings, up and down, forward and back, and in the end, it hurt a lot more than he cared to think about. When she released his wings, they automatically curled close to his back and folded as tightly as they could, as if to get away from her.

He started to ask if he could learn to fly now, but rather, his back was in so much pain, it stopped him. New muscles ground against the old ones, and if he could have stooped and kept his balance, he would have.

Hikari wandered off suddenly. She just turned around and started walking away.

"Where are you going?" Kenshin asked.

"I don't know," she said, "Just going. I'm hungry and want something to eat. Are you coming?"

Kenshin sighed again, she caused him to sigh a great a deal. He closed his eyes and listened to the choir, hoping to be able to pick out a comforting voice. It was the shriek that broke him from his reverie, not one of fear or pain, but anger.

His eyes snapped open and he took off after the sound, he felt Hikari close in behind him. The passage opened into a grove of trees where a skulking smoky image wavered. Agape, who leaned against a tree glaring at the shape and holding his/her arm tightly, though the blood spilled over his/her fingers.

Hikari hissed in surprise and stopped, conflicted as to whether to help Agape or to deal with whatever had gotten in here. Kenshin made the decision for her, not even thinking about pausing as he closed the gap between himself and the shadow.

Her voice cracked like lightning, loud and sudden, and Kenshin felt a wave of warmth as a white nimbus surrounded him. It was so long-practiced a move that it came without thought or hesitation, just the drawing and putting away of a blade. Oddly, he thought of why the blade had come with him, when he had given to Yahiko so long ago. 

The shadow recoiled from his swing and regrouped itself into a vaguely human shape. It swiped at Kenshin, and left a freezing trail behind it that left a blue stripe down his hand. Then Kenshin heard the voice. A word. I was a single word that consumed his mind and slipped from his lips as quietly as a whisper. The ground seemed to swell with the word and it swallowed the shadow in a gaping maw of burning light. Just as suddenly as it had began, it was over.

Kenshin started to turn and thank Hikari for her help, but it wasn't Hikari whose voice he heard. And it wasn't just Hikari and Agape who swung into his field of vision. The golden features of Firrin came into focus. Hikari held Agape close to her, whispering soothing comforts, though Firrin stood facing Kenshin with his arms crossed, looking down at him.

It was Firrin who had made him say the word, Firrin who had embraced his mind. Kenshin could only look into the golden eyes with surprise. His head still hummed with the power of the act of speaking the word. It had been one word. One solitary word that had welled up inside him with the same force as the great choir that seemed to fill the air. It was as if all that power had focused itself into that one word. A part of a secret language that built and destroyed worlds with a whisper.

Firrin didn't even bother to speak, he didn't have to. Kenshin heard him just fine, felt him. Felt the bottled aggression, the hurt, the anger the desire. Not any kind of sexual desire or attraction, the sole desire for the restoration of what had once been the status quo. 

Hikari looked up at Firrin, he seemed to tower over her, to dominate her with his presence. And in a strange way, Kenshin saw how someone so larger than life seemed so much smaller than this moment they were standing in. Agape was clutched to her like a too large child, his/her head resting on her unarmored shoulder, eyes closed. Hikari was bent at the knee as she tried to gather up her charge, but her eyes, wide and frozen were fixed on Firrin. She showed not indignant rage, or possessiveness, but a sort of lack of control.

That eternal passing instant was the ultimate truth for Kenshin. He saw how small they all were, their sole existence to serve an ideal that was as ephemeral and everchanging as mankind itself. They were insignificant. They were nothing. Four nothings standing in a garden of doors born of the desire of men to escape.

Everything is nothing. It spins and whirls in this great dance of eternity, the creator is created by his creation, the god of common thought, the divine consciousness was not a distant choir. They lived within it. They thrived and died by the whim of men, and despite their immortality, these servants were as fragile as the breath of a baby. All of these places and portals palaces and people, they were all reflections of this divine will and existed within it. Their fight was not with the infernal. Their fight was with their creator, a begging crying voice to not be forgotten. The forgetting would ever be their doom. It was all an illusion before him, and he saw them all for what they were.

Hikari was no imposing powerful creature, she was a shadow of men's dreams, she had never known what it was to live and love and breathe. She couldn't look on men with compassion and empathy because she had none. It wasn't a natural anomaly that her gaze was so cold, she was truly that cold. Agape was a twisted and limping creature, battered by the abuse of love, the confusion of lust, the bleeding wounds were not an accident, they were the traces of the wounding of betrayal. Firrin was a wisp of smoke, an ephemeral thing as insubstantial as anything around him.

Truth was wisp of smoke, Love an ugly and battered thing, and Justice, Justice hurt the most, he had loved her, he had given himself over to her, and she was a distant thing without the capacity for mercy that his mortal conscience so desperately demanded.

Then, as if looking outside of himself and at himself, he saw the illusion he had become. He had his own mental image of himself, and stumbled in shock when he saw himself as a bloodstained youth. Blood both dried and damp clung to his face, his hands, his clothes. It dripped down the point of the blade and left a gory trail where it had passed. He stank of blood and sex and opium. His face was not the youthful bright visage he had thought, but a haggard sack of bones with hollow amber eyes filled with cold ennui.

It had all been a lie.


	11. body's brain so everybody just puts out ...

In the coldness and distance of the gray spaces Kenshin knelt, trying to find the peace that had been denied him. What horrible trickery existed that could fill his mind so full of lies? Kenshin, who had only ever desired the truth, no matter what it was, had fallen in love with the lie. 

He breathed in through his teeth, the cold bite of the air across them fading against his warm tongue. He had stripped away the clothes and for a while had tried to cut off his wings. He knew he could be mortal again. He could live his life and die and would cross the bridge and it would be as if none of this would have ever happened. However, he forgot that he couldn't reach his own wings, even with the sword, with enough strength to actually cut them off. So watery red streams matted the feathers and dripped on either side of his spine to pool behind him and leave his toes pink with the attempt to escape this fate he had chosen.

Everything was cold, but nothing would numb. He felt only the stinging cold, and could not even find relief in the removal of sensation. So when a small hand rested on his shoulder, its heat surprised him, and he looked into a pair of soft brown eyes. Brown like earth, and hair that was jet, but not dark and shadowed, there was something reddish in there that gave it a warmth. Her skin was a deep reddish brown, and she smelled very distinctly of freshly tilled earth, rain, things that grow. When she spoke, the warmth in her voice seemed to warm to him, "You'll get cold out here."

He blinked at her. She was dressed so strangely, and he smelled another scent on her, and around her. She smelled like leather and tobacco. When she sat down, she crossed her legs and still she looked at him, waiting for his answer.

"I don't think it matters," he replied, "What can it do? Kill me?"

He tried to see past the illusion and into what she really was, as he had with Hikari and Firrin and Agape.

She shook her head, "You have a lot to learn." She didn't seem to change.

"Who are you?" he asked.

She shrugged, "I am what I am. A name won't change or improve that. Besides, should you be asking yourself that question?"

She had a roundish face with high cheekbones and thin lips. Her nose was a little broad, but her eyes always seemed to be smiling at him.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because that's the question you would really like to answer, isn't it?"

That was starting to get bothersome. She seemed to continuously answer his questions with more questions.

Like any of the kami, she seemed to read his mind, "That's because there are no real answers. Each answer only leads to more questions, each truth only leads to more lies."

She spoke as if she knew what he had seen, and he started to ask her, but she answered him before he could ask, "There is always more than one truth. What color is the sea?"

"Blue," he answered.

"Isn't it green, also? And gray?"

He thought about that. "At times."

"But isn't it just as true to say the sea is green as it is to say the sea is blue?"

"At times."

"There is always more than one truth. You choose which you can see and which you will not."

He was fascinated by her, this nameless thing that sat with him in place that could closely be called nowhere.

"I regret choices I have made."

She nodded, "And that regretting does something good for you?"

He looked at her in confusion.

She rephrased, "What good does it do to regret things you have done? If you have caused problems, does regret make them go away? Or would action make them go away?"

"I tried to act, but I can't reach my wings."

She shook her head, "That's running away. Escaping doesn't solve anything either."

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked, "There seems to be some sort of plan that I can't follow or understand."

She traced her fingers into the cold gray ground in front her, "Why can't you understand it?"

"If I knew that, then I would have the answer."

"If you had all the answers, you would be the master, and not the servant."

"You seem to have all the answers."

She shook her head, "I only understand that all I have are questions."

"Then what good are you to me?" Kenshin regretted the words even before they escaped his lips. The bitter cold did seem to be numbing something.

"You're getting cold," she answered, not the least bit phased by his remark.

As if outside his own will, "You have a penchant for pointing out the obvious." Why couldn't he shut up? Why was he saying such mean things?

"You have a penchant for not noticing the obvious, so we make a good pair right now."

"You're trying to evade me."

She shook her head, "I don't think your question is worth questioning. However, I must point out, as much good as you are for yourself, right now, little spirit, are you really in a position to judge what is good for you?"

"I have had enough of judging and finding the truth. I would rather live the oblivious lie than have ever had to face this."

"Which hurts worse, little spirit?" she asked, "That they were not the illusion you had made for them, or that you were not the illusion you had made for yourself?"

"I didn't lie to myself. She lied to me. She made me see things better than they were."

"Little spirit," she sighed and shook her head, "You have much to learn."

"I have nothing left to learn," Kenshin said, "Knowledge only brings pain. I can't bear to know anything else, it hurts too much."

"And yet, you know nothing. Is it not the nothingness that hurts, not the knowledge?"

He looked at her again in confusion.

"A very simple story. A man once had a beautiful golden cup. He showed his cup to his friends and family and they all agreed it was a very beautiful cup. Having the cup gave him great joy. He would take it out in the sunshine and watch the light dance off of it; he would take it indoors and smile into the warmth of it. And everyone he met, he showed the golden cup to. And almost everyone said that it was a beautiful cup and he should be very happy."

"Almost everyone. The man showed his cup to a traveling man one day and said 'See my beautiful golden cup! There is none like it in the world.' The traveler agreed and drank from his own plain wooden cup. The man with the golden cup asked what the traveler was doing. 'I'm sorry,' said the traveler, 'My cup is not as glorious as yours, but I am thirsty, and my cup is not empty.' The man with the golden cup suddenly saw that his cup was empty. He suddenly felt thirsty, but when he tried to drink from his cup, it was empty. Then he was miserable, as he had a thirst and a cup, but the cup was empty. He would never know relief or joy until that cup was filled."

"Just like you. You have a beautiful cup, and you know the emptiness, the thirst that can't be sated unless your cup is filled. Now you want to empty your cup, because the drink in it is not sweet?"

Kenshin looked down pensively, "I thought this was to be a life of true paradise. I could serve mankind, which makes me happy, and know love and happiness. I should have known it was all too good to be true. She lied to me."

She shook her head, "Not really. You heard the truth you wanted to hear. Yours is a life of service, not of leisure. Your joy is in service. So live in service, not in demand. Your misery springs from your demands."

Kenshin pondered that for moment. Hikari had always made it clear that this existence was one of service; even up to the minute he had made his decision. The stranger was right; he had fallen in love with a lie he created for himself. "But what about the…" He couldn't bring himself to say what he had seen.

She made a sort of face, as if she were trying to soften her look to hide her resentment, "It was the truth. But so was what you saw before that moment. Remember who was there. Truth opened your mind to another possibility. And frankly, Truth can be brutal and cruel. This is not good and evil, or beautiful and ugly. You are both things. If you were one or the other, you wouldn't be very real, would you? You can't be perfect. No one would ever pay attention to you if you were perfect. People don't like things that are perfect. They like things that are close. But everything must have a flaw."

Kenshin breathed deeply, "And what is your flaw?"

She pursed her lips together in thought, "Probably that I offer too much advice." Her eyes danced with laughter that never left her lips. Her smile was quietly serene.

Kenshin smiled in return, he couldn't have helped it. Despite the smile, he said, "I don't think I can go back to her."

"Go back to whom?"

"Hikari."

The name merited a mildly confused look, "You'll have to forgive me, I know you by your jobs, not your names. All of you tend to have so many names it gets confusing."

"Justice," Kenshin corrected himself.

"Ah," she sighed, knowingly.

"What?"

"There is more than one truth to Justice as well. Remember that they were all mortal before they were here. Everything and everyone was mortal before they came here. Perhaps if you knew what her mortal life had been like, you could understand her better."

"She was never mortal," Kenshin said.

"Yes she was," said the other spirit.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"Because Truth and Justice are not the oldest things in this neighborhood." She answered.

"You know?"

"I also remember."

"Tell me."

She shook her head in reply, "If they want to talk about it, they will."

"But I thought there no secrets here, everyone's heart is laid bare. Besides, Hikari says that she's forgotten."

"She probably has, not that I would blame her."

"You must tell me," he pleaded.

She shook her head, "If she says that I can, then I will. Until then, I think you should go talk to her. She brought you here, after all."

Kenshin sighed, and stood up, every joint crying out in protest. He felt the cold of his own blood under his toes. She stood up beside him and held out a robe to him, "Here," she said.

He accepted the robe gratefully, "Thank you. Who do I say has shown me what it means to do my job?"

She shrugged, "Names are unimportant. You have three. Shinta, Kenshin, Battousai. Does any one of them hold any more sway over you than any of the others?"

He shrugged as he pulled on the robe she had given him. The rough cotton stung over the wounds in his back. "I just wish I could know who you are."

"Why didn't you just ask?"

"I did."

"Oh. I was being enigmatic and got caught up in the moment."

He furrowed his brows at her and she smiled pleasantly, "I don't carry titles, I don't have names. I don't need to. But my job. I'm the voice."

She blinked at her, not in surprise, but in confusion. She confused him greatly, but somehow, he thought he had learned something from her. He wasn't trying to get out this place. He was trying to understand his place in it. 


	12. and they stuff the poor thing all full o...

He slipped through the archways that were the entrance to Hikari's palace, any journey only ever took as long as it was necessary, and Kenshin's had passed in mere minutes from the gray spaces to the Divine Heights. Hikari's trees dappled the golden light and made it dance in strategically paced breezes that kept things neither too warm nor too hot.

He made his way to the suite of rooms he had been given, trying to remain unseen. When he made it to his bedroom, he was starting to like European beds, he pulled the curtains around to dim the light and soften the touch on his now tender eyes. The softer shadows made it easier for him to see, not that he wanted to. He climbed onto the bed and curled on his side, not sure what he was going to next or how he was going to do it. He needed to think.

"Took you long enough," said a voice near the end of the bed. Kenshin sat up immediately, and reached out for his sword, not sure who or what was at the end of his bed. He focused in the shadows there and Firrin's golden gaze met his own.

"What do you want now?" Kenshin asked, more irritated with Firrin than anything.

"How much help did you need?" Firrin seemed to ignore Kenshin.

Figuring that cooperation would release him sooner than confrontation, Kenshin replied, "Enough."

Firrin snorted derisively, "Figures."

"Are you finished?" Kenshin asked.

"Hardly."

"What do you want?"

"Who helped you?"

Kenshin shrugged, "I don't know."

"You're lying," Firrin said.

"Not entirely," Kenshin replied, "I don't know her name."

Firrin nodded, "True enough," he was even keener than Hikari about sorting out lies from truth. Kenshin supposed Firrin could spot his own. "Well?"

"Well, what?" Kenshin said.

"Aren't you going to ask me about Cairys? Isn't that what the Voice suggested you do?"

"How did you know?"

"Because we have all been there," Firrin stated simply, "It looked like paradise, then we looked beneath the surface and saw that not everything was so pretty and perfect. We have all been guided, and will continue to be guided by the Divine Will. The Voice does exactly that. How did she look to you?"

Firrin's tone was almost amicable, as Kenshin felt him remembering fondly his own guidance from the Divine Will. 

Kenshin tried to describe it, "Earthy, brown, warm…" he couldn't remember exact details or features.

Firrin half-smiled, "I see."

"Will you tell me?"

"About Cairys?" Firrin feigned ignorance.

Kenshin nodded, "And you."

Firrin tipped his head back in thought, and brushed aside a curtain to let the light in. He was gentle about it, and Kenshin only had to blink a couple of times to adjust to the change in light.

"I'll tell the story backward so you can stop me when you've heard enough."

Kenshin moved closer to the end of the bed to better listen to Firrin, who, he got a strange sense, was feeling rather paternal toward him at that moment.

"I fell in love with Cairys as a child, a mortal one, in an ancient world. She was the daughter of a minor chieftan who often found his territory shrinking from his miserable leadership skills. He was a cruel man by nature, and self-serving. His daughter was no different. Widows and orphans could starve in order to glut the chieftan's family. Cairys, being a child and already lacking a moral template to follow easily outdid her father in selfishness. She was a spoiled enabled child who got everything she wanted through coercion or conversion," he smiled a slow smile, his lips curling over the memory of her childhood, " I loved her then. Not because she was selfish or spoiled, but because she was honest. She only was what she was, and she never tried to be anything she wasn't. What she was happened to be a most undesirable thing. But she was that."

"Her father was eventually routed from his position, and Cairys was taken away to another clan to be a serving girl. Something, you might well imagine, she wasn't particularly skilled at doing. Even then, she would rather have been beaten within an inch of her life then so much as wipe the sweat from the brow of a working man. And she took her beatings too, proudly. She spent most of her time barely able to move from the beatings she provoked. But she always provoked them, refusing to work. Eventually food was withheld from her, on the premise that she who earned the food ate the food, but Cairys had no desire to earn anything, since she should have everything anyway. Still I loved her."

"The Alfheim were known for stealing away children who lived in unhappy circumstances, and, without bothering to investigate the situation, they kidnapped Cairys from her home, killing her body and taking her spirit with them. She was reborn with the legendaries as an elf. I won't go into great descriptions, but let's just say that there was no change in her behavior. The Alfheim, since they have eternity, have a great deal of patience, but even the eternal have a sense of a losing battle. Cairys was sent to live with the faerie, where she should have thrived."

"She did, she was a great Irish faerie who could be fickle and wild and I loved her especially then, as she blossomed and changed. She was rewarded for her nature, not punished for it, and thrived exceedingly well. I pursued her a couple of times, only to find that she had no desire for things that were already hers, and I could only bask in her rejection. It wasn't until she was trapped on Earth that she started to reevaluate her behavior."

"No one knows for sure what the druid did to her or with her. But she was called out on a Beltaine night and imprisoned. She wasn't released until Samhain, 30 years later. I'm told that she was made to be his bride, and his compulsion over her forced her to serve him and the forest in which they lived. When she did return, she was no longer happy being fickle or cruel. Something had happened inside of her, she had been a mother, and the overwhelming love she had felt for her child had consumed her selfish nature. She then apologized to everyone she had treated poorly. When she came to me, I made her the offer. She denied me several times, I think, until she finally realized that while she had no purpose as a faerie, she has even less purpose in Alfheim, and she would never again fit into the legendaries. She left them and wandered until I made her the offer again, and she accepted. She wanted nothing less than to serve, and her nature, both child and mother, patient and tempestuous, fit her perfectly into the role of Justice."

Kenshin had been listening, resting his head on folded hands as he lay on his stomach, and as Firrin finished his story, Kenshin noticed that Firrin had been absently stroking Kenshin's head throughout. Kenshin didn't stop him, he seemed content.

"You see, I've loved her since she walked the earth, and I loved her into the clouds. I loved her when she bore another man's child, and I loved her when she became mine. She may be selfish at times, and seem cruel, but she is mine, I made her, and I love her. I know that she has forgotten her mortal life, and has preferred the distance her eternal existence has brought her, and I'm not ever going to change that. I love her even now, as she wanders the gray places in search of you, hoping to find you and tell you whatever you need to hear to come back to her. I think she loves you for many of the same reasons. You are the honest sort, and she appreciates the uncomplicated nature of you. You did some horrible things, and rather than blame them on someone else, you simply regret them, and tried to use your life to make people's lives worthwhile as opposed to ending them. Makes sense to me."

"Then why do you hate me?" Kenshin asked.

"Hate isn't the right word," Firrin removed his hand and leaned back in his chair.

"Then what is?"

Firrin shrugged, "I'm not sure. Jealousy? Possesiveness? I don't like that I have nurtured and cared for someone for so very long only to have her turn away from me. I'm not entirely sure that it's about you. Though it does bother me that you win her attention just by existing, and I have had to fight for it every step of the way."

It was Agape's voice that interrupted before Kenshin could speak, "Do you think that might just be because she's a pain in the rear? That it has nothing to do with Redemption there or Truth? That maybe she is what she has always been? Not that I am discouraging either of you from this tête-à-tête, But I thought I might be able to contribute something useful to a conversation about love."

Kenshin sat up and instinctively covered himself. Agape saw him and clicked his tongue. Agape was male today, and very much so, easily shaming Firrin's golden features with his shining masculinity. "What have you done to yourself," he gripped one of Kenshin's wings and pulled it aside, "You should have known you couldn't do that and you should know that wounds don't heal unless you make them heal." Agape poured a bowl of water into a basin and returned to the bed to sit behind Kenshin and clean the matted feathers. The water was warm and the cloth was soft. "Of course Firrin hasn't gotten to his own story yet."

Firrin nodded, "You can stop me at any time," he looked hopefully at Kenshin, who maintained his look of oblivious innocence.

"Fine then. I was Roman, a politician by trade but not to lucky to be a senator. I was a senator's aide, though, and became a very adept liar. When my master was needed, he was attending to important business. When he had forgotten something, it was on its way. My master led a life of luxury, and I lay twisting in a bed of tangled lies that I had woven.I devoted my life to making my master look good in public, and that was the biggest lie of all. He was a corrupt man with no sense of truth, his own life was such a lie that he couldn't tell you whether he had legitimately married his wife or not. I was no better for helping him. And it was my own lie that killed me. I won't get graphic, but it was messy and bloody and brutal. And it left me hollow and seeking a way to make right what I once turned so wrong. Hence my place here."

Kenshin twisted to look at Agape who shrugged at him, "Greek. A lifetime of empty affairs and broken promises of devotion and love. Selfish and vain. Completely unscrupulous in my affairs, men, women, both at once, sometimes neither, sometimes two legs, sometimes otherwise, it never mattered to me once I had them. The chase was my desire. Then I met Him. And was spurned. I spent the remainder of my life chasing after the unattainable, and wound up starved to death under a tree somewhere. I was so consumed by love that I became it."

Kenshin shook his head, wondering how something like this could have happened, these were the embodiments of the very best parts of humanity, and they were a whore, a vain princess and a preening liar.

Firrin shrugged, "Nobody's perfect. Not even you."

Kenshin nodded to concede that point and realized that they were three men witting in a woman's house and the woman wasn't even there.


	13. dead has a smile like the nicest man you...

Kenshin's eyes fluttered open as he felt a shift in the room. He supposed he had fallen asleep. He sat up and saw a shadowy shape on the far side of the room. He knew her shape, the art of her curvature was as familiar to him as the feel of his own sword. She had pulled a chair to the far side of the room and sat in her strange way, a sort of perching sprawl, that left her legs dangling at odd angles and her wings twisted strangely. He had to blink a couple of times before he noticed the sword across her lap.

"If you want out that badly, I won't keep you here." Her voice was a strained whisper. She was looking at the floor, he knew, because he couldn't see her eyes.

Kenshin inhaled, as if to sigh, but let the breath out quietly, "What do you intend to do?"

She shook her head, it was a vague and indistinct movement, like her answer, "Whatever you need me to."

"Look at me."

She complied, and Kenshin could barely see the narrowed slits of her eyes as she peered through the darkness at him. He waved his hand to the curtain next to her and it moved, letting in enough light for him to see her.

"I've been talking to people," he told her.

"I know."

"I've learned a great deal."

"I know."

She was now a vague shape of colors and lines, the harshness in her features was exaggerated by the shadows in the room, the golden light was muffled and only dusted her skin with its pallor. It seemed to miss the hollows of her eyes and cheeks. Her lips were a thin twisted shape, slightly darker than her skin. She looked at him, blinking against the new light.

Blood stained his wings and hands and legs, but he still seemed so ethereally beautiful to her. His lips pressed together in thought. His shape was so slim and thin, as if he were wisp of something more than she could have ever have hoped to be. His hair slipped from the shadows, seeking the light to bask in, and its brilliance always astonished her. His gentleness and strength always left her breathless in his grasp. 

He moved closer the edge of the bed, the fabric moving aside in sighs of her desperation, which she so carefully concealed from him. She wanted nothing more than to crawl onto the bed with him and hold him and make him feel the safeness he had felt with her so many times before. She wanted to be rid of the barriers between them, and to melt into him, to drown her fears in the fiery rivers of his hair and cool her passions in the depths of his gaze. But all of that was masked behind the coolness of her withdrawal. She wouldn't let him in.

Kenshin didn't like this. He couldn't feel her, she was a distant cold thing that wanted neither to be seen nor felt. He couldn't tell if it was her shame that caused this, or her tendency to withdraw into herself when she was working. Was she working? Was she deciding what was just? He shifted uncomfortably and inhaled again, as if getting ready to say something, but the words left him as quickly as he had thought of them, and he let the air out again, not able to wrap his mind around the right words.

"What are you going to do with you knowledge?" She saved him the trouble. She could see his discomfort.

Kenshin shook his head, "I don't know."

"Do you hate me now?"

"No more than I did before."

"You do tend to hate things that challenge your perceptions."

"No," Kenshin said, "You can't just rename the lie and make it acceptable. This isn't a great struggle of good versus evil. I don't know what it is, but…" he halted, trying to find the right words.

"I never said it was good or evil. In fact," she unfurled herself from the chair, leaning forward on the edge, "I said exactly the opposite. I said that there is no good or evil. When are you going to understand that? When will it be clear to you that killing and raping and stealing are not wrong because they are evil, but because people don't like to have those things happen to them?"

Kenshin's jaw set against her tone, which washed over him only raising the hackles of his building anger. His Japanese nature quelled the urge to fight back, and after tensing he relaxed, "Why do I have to understand that at all? This is my job. I should approach it from the angle I see fit."

"Then prepare yourself for more disappointments. I am not perfect, Rurouni. Neither are you. You can not die and wash those things away. Perfection is a nameless faceless place where you are divided and sorted into the parts of you that are liked and the parts of you that are not. In order to serve, and the infernals serve as much as we do, you must be whole. That means you must be flawed. I am flawed, and if you cannot accept that, then go."

The last sentence was so utterly cold and dismissive that Kenshin spoke before he thought, "If it makes so little difference to you."

Hikari blinked, a little surprised by the change in tempo, "What am I supposed to say? I follow you for a large part of your life, to keep a promise. A promise that will not be broken no matter what you think of me or I of you. But in the end, Kenshin, you are a fleeting instant compared to the years. I have long since grown accustomed to outliving most everything, including myself. Including you." 

Kenshin's jaw was set tightly, and he shook his head, his building anger bringing her more into focus. He hated how detached she seemed. That was how she fit in so well with most Japanese, she epitomized that sense of emotional control. It was a hateful and cold thing, her gaze wasn't just detached, to him it seemed cruel and cutting. Her voice was passionless and flat. "A passing shadow." He muttered.

"I'm glad you understand," she said. She hated doing this to him. It had taken her nearly a thousand years to learn to love, and in an instant Firrin had shattered her hopes for a love that was not hinged upon her past. Firrin had shown Kenshin a different truth, he had taken over his heart, and his desire for this "truth" was really a desire for anything that wasn't pretty, as if beauty were a lie and the truth were an ugly thing.

"I don't," he replied, "What is all of this? All of the things Firrin told me about you. It wasn't just the telling, I felt what you were like. And I'm not sure who was worse. You for being you or him for loving you for it."

Hikari's head popped up, her near slouching perch had moved forward once, but now she sat straight up, If her wings hadn't been in the way, Kenshin got the impression that she might have sat back. Since they prevented her from leaning back, she seemed to shoot out of the chair crossing the space between them and leaning in so very close to Kenshin that he could actually see the malice in her features. Her eyes were passionless, but her lips were drawn tight and created little lines around the corners. Her nostrils flared. He could hear her breath being drawn in before she spoke, and there, in that instant of anger, the wall between them failed, and Kenshin felt the shame before she even spoke the words, "You murdering hypocritical little curr. Is this redemption? One who ignores his past so thoroughly that he persecutes others for theirs?" She straightened, adding an imperious tone, "Despite anything that was in my nature in my youth, Himura-san," oh the sarcasm in that name, "there is no blood on my hands. I did not murder people in my mortality. I was the tool of no man, and you, you pandering little toady, have the gall to look upon me with bloodstained hands crying out for goodness and truth and condemn me? Back down, little man, I made you, and I will break you." The last was so quietly spoken that the menace seemed to hang in the air with an almost metallic taste behind it.

He had almost been ashamed. Up until she threatened him. "Threats are the tools of the weak, Hikari," he said quietly, pulling himself from the bed to stand on the floor.

"Would you like for me to make it a promise?" Kenshin couldn't help but feel it now. She was so angry she didn't know what to do with herself. He felt the twinges of regret eating at her as her words took her down a path she had not meant to go, but the pride swallowed them quickly and she would see this through to the end.

"No," Kenshin said. Her anger had left her defenseless, and once Kenshin had seen that, he took the verbal upper hand, lower the tone of his voice to a soothing drone. "I cannot help but feel lied to," he said, "I have always been honest with you about who I am…"

She interrupted him, "I have never lied to you about who I am. You just seem more interested in who I was. Damn Firrin for telling you and damn you for wanting to know."

"Does your past not shape your present?" Kenshin asked.

"Does yours?"

"Yes."

"Damn you."

He felt the powerlessness of her rage, a piling of energy within her that left her eyes burning with unspent tears. They were both right in their own way, and both wrong. Kenshin inhaled and actually released the sigh this time. He couldn't reason with her like this, this was Justice as a force against the wrongs of men, and Redemption took the upper hand. Temper Justice with mercy, she had once said, Justice delivered in anger isn't Justice, she had explained. It is revenge, and hurts everyone and teaches nothing. 

What could he do to quell her? He could make himself as vulnerable as she was right then. If he surrendered the upper hand in this argument, she might act instead of react. How could he make himself vulnerable? 

She looked at him then, and he realized that he had been thinking in sequence, and with no barrier between them, she had felt his thoughts. She softened under the eight of his trying to find a way to stop the argument.

"I suppose I should have asked how much you hated me before."

"I would have told you that I have never hated you. I have been angry with you, but I have never hated you."

Her shoulders sagged, "I didn't mean to get angry."

"I know."

She shook her head, "Damn you still for being understanding."

He half smiled, "I've dealt with worse. I didn't mean to seem as if I were judging you for your past. I only felt as if you had hidden it from me."

She nodded, "I did. But for a good reason. Honesty isn't always the best thing, nor is it always the right thing."

"It is a good thing. I like honesty," he said, "and no matter what it was you had done, I could never think your sins greater than mine."

She smirked, "You have to be able to wallow in your own self-pity."

He shook his head, "I have to respect the severity of my past to build my future. What I have done has been done, and there is no way to reverse it. What I will do is the testament to my existence. What I can and will be is what will shape the world around me. I must respect my past to build a good future. I want to do the same for you."

She sat down on the bed, "You're very good at your job."

He said nothing, only moved to stand in front of her.

"But if you really do want out of this, I'll do it for you." 

He stayed silent and moved closer to her, and hugged her head to his chest, putting his chin there and smelling her hair. He felt her shift against him, and the heat of a gingerly placed kiss on his breastbone send a shock through him. He looked down at her, the first time he could remember doing so, and she raised her eyes to him. He lifted her chin and closed the distance between them, tasting unshed tears in her kiss.

The touch deepened, and he fell into her, the coolness of her breasts drew his hands there to find solace in the soft fullness of them, the neat fit into the palm of his hand. The feel of her skin against his, tiny minute adjustments shifted against him, provoking him further to find his place inside her. She was a dizzying panorama of skin and curves, soft places and firm places, fingers that searched as if feeling their way around in the darkness of the passion rising within and between them as a bridge between their bodies.

The fullness of feeling was disorienting, he felt her leg over his hip, her hand seeking out the small of his back, her lips searching his neckline. He looked for her as well, his hand roving the curve of her hip and up her waist, stuttering over her rib cage to find the soft resting place of her breast again. His other arm braced him over her, his hand tangled in the cold stygian void of her hair, his fingers gripping it as if it were the rope that saved him from drowning in her. He fought his head around to meet her kisses so that then he would have two anchors in her instead of the one. The one shifting, moving, thrusting anchor that bound him inexorably to her. His tongue sought the depths of her mouth, once filled with bile and anger at him, a lost tossing sea of mindless abandon. His body moved, tossed on the roiling seas of the moment, the roiling sea of her.

She moved beneath him, a stirring, an awakening, a breathless dance like water, raging seas and boiling rapids. Her fingers lost themselves in the depths of that voluminous and sinfully red hair, and her fingers thought they might be burned by the heat of him. There was no hesitation to him, there was no playful talk beforehand, this was an act between two minds where the bodies could only ride alongside with no idea of the true destination.

In a sudden movement, his anchor lost its hold, and she swallowed his cry down the depths of her throat. He moaned into her mouth, he eyes shut tightly against the delightful discomfort of the moment, and he felt her relax against him, the sea becoming calm and allowing him to find his way.

When he opened his eyes again, he was on his side; she was in front of him, her hand draped lazily over his hip as she watched him. He visibly tensed under gaze, and closed his eyes again and sighed in contentment.

"This doesn't make up for anything, you know." 


	14. who maybe winks at you in a streetcar an...

"You need to work," the muffled voice pulled him from the haze of his mind. He slowly opened his eyes to look into hers, and cringed. Their coldness belied the warmth of her voice.

"Work?" He mumbled, rolling over to face her fully and pull her to him, "With you it seems like no effort at all," he buried his face in her neck feeling the cool hair curtain around him. He wasn't sure if he closed that distance to be closer to her or to escape her gaze, he had started to hate it so very much. Free from her cruel scrutiny, his hands strayed over her body, wandering and lost.

She pulled herself free from him and rolled off the bed. Her naked form came clearly into focus, and Kenshin smiled at the shape of her. "Unfortunately, that is not what I meant. You have actual work to do, can't you feel it?"

Kenshin paused, and sure as she had said it, there was a distinct itching in the back of his mind, a feeling that something lay unfinished somewhere, that someone needed him. He nodded, "How did you know?"

She sat back down on the bed to face him, "Because we're a part of each other, I feel the need for you as well. I'll go with you this time, but just to watch, I won't interfere. You need to do this on your own, it's how you gain power."

He blinked at her, "Why do I need power?"

"For everything, from the things you can do to building your own palace, your own army, all of it is contingent upon your doing your job well. Besides, this is why you chose this path. Come on, get up and get bathed. You will see what you are capable of."

He complied, still a little confused. He went after her again in the bath, which was a massive roman affair that initially made Kenshin feel very self conscious. Soon, though, he thought of it as a very over-decorated hot spring, with its tree trunk columns, the branches reaching to form pointed arches over their heads. She evaded him, and the two chased each other around the bath for what seemed like too long, until the need became urgent and real. It pulled at his heart and he stopped chasing her.

She ran away from him for a few more feet before she realized that he wasn't chasing her anymore, and she turned to look at him. The look of urgency in his eyes spoke volumes, and she reached out to him mentally to get a sense of what was ahead for him. His mind was racing with thoughts that were gone before he could speak them, but they all spoke of the need to move now. He was out of the bath in a spray of water and it was all Hikari could do to stay on his heels. He dressed quickly, wishing he could just wave his hand like her and have what he needed. Why not? He thought of his Sakabatou, the Sword of Mercy, and he almost dropped it when it appeared in his hand.

"Never tried it before?" she asked, tightening the buckles of her bracer.

"Nnn mm" he replied, as he shook his head and tucked the sword into his obi. "Should we go?"

She shook some stray droplets of water from her wings, and tucked them back, "I'm read when you are. I'll follow you to the portal garden."

He made a dash for the front door, trying to get up enough speed for a takeoff when his back screamed in protest. Pain and weakness shot through him and he stumbled. Hikari was dead behind him, and he felt her catch him as she came by, pulling him to her as her wings unfurled to catch them both. She leapt over the side of the cliff, and snapped her wings out to catch air. "I suppose," she said into his hair, "That following was a bit optimistic."

"Not time?" he asked, curling his neck around so that her lips pressed into his ear. 

"Don't know," she said. Suddenly, she let go of him, and he watched her move forward and away from him for an instant before he fell. He shrieked in surprise and could only think about not falling.

He forgot that he had wings, he could only think about the ground rushing to meet him. And rushing it certainly was, at tear-jerking speed. He splayed his arms out, hoping to slow himself down, and that seemed to work. He looked up and ahead at Hikari, who was swooping in circles, watching him. The distance closed between them, and he flapped his wings to move faster. He looked back in surprise at his wings, which were splayed out behind him, and working.

She stopped circling and started a slow fall as she applauded, "Told you!"

He laughed and flapped faster, blowing past her in a streak of fiery dawn. She winged over and caught up to him easily. He was almost dismayed, except that he had to remember that she had been at this a lot longer than he had. "I can lead the way now!" he had to shout at her now.

She nodded and dropped back a little to give him the lead. His flight was slow and wobbly, but any flight where you didn't plummet into the ground was a success. When the portal garden came into view below them, she caught up to Kenshin and grabbed him around the waist before she started the dive toward the ground. He twisted in her grasp and looked at her, the question on the surface of his mind.

"You don't know how to land yet," she replied, and did so, with a careful drop to the ground to ensure that she didn't jar him or hurt herself.

He didn't bother to acknowledge, the need in him was eating away at his heart. He ran to the torii arch and bolted through, not sure how he knew he was going to Japan.

He came out on the other side, and followed the winding gravel path to the temple. Police had formed a barricade across the path, and were watching the shrine uneasily. Kenshin moved past them unnoticed and into the shrine, past the money well and the drum, through the sand garden, careful to not leave footprints behind him. In the back, beside the shrine proper, he saw a man huddled, his eyes bright and wide with terror, blood soaked through his clothes and staining his hands and face. One drop of blood hung near the corner of his eye, like a tear.

Kenshin knelt across from him and said, "My name is Kenshin, what's yours?"

The man almost jumped out of his skin, he scrambled backward into the wall and saw stuttered, "W-w-who, h-h-how did y-y-ou get in h-h-ere?"

Kenshin made sure his wings were hidden, and tried to think of the right answer. He felt Hikari in his mind and smiled, "I have always been here, in a way. You see me because you need to see me." He was beginning to understand where Hikari's oddness came from. Her answers, while enigmatic, were always honest, and usually the best answers one could think of at stressful moments.

The man wasn't terribly old, no older than Kenshin had been when his time had come. But he moved quickly, and Kenshin barely sidestepped the blade of the knife as it came at his face. Actually it was more of a lean, but his reflexes had his feet under him in a flash.

"Go away!" the man cried, calling the attention of the police who were waiting outside. It would be sacrilege to shed blood in the shrine, and so they dared not approach, to avoid the need.

Kenshin shook his head and closed his fingers over the extended wrist of the man who struck at him. "This isn't necessary."

"I can't be arrested!" The man wailed, trying to pull his arm free. Kenshin held him as gently as he could, "My children!"

Kenshin plucked the knife from his fingers, "I might be able to help you."

"I am beyond help!" he lamented.

_They always are,_ he heard Hikari say in his mind.

He shushed her mentally and turned back to the man, "Why don't you tell me your name, and what the problem is, exactly, and let me decide if you are beyond help."

The man shook his head, and recoiled against the wall, "I can't let them get me."

"Why?" Kenshin asked.

"They will kill my family. I didn't have children when I started working with them, but when I had children, they blackmailed me into doing more horrible things." He shook his head, not wanting to continue.

Kenshin tilted his head in reply, "You don't have to tell me all about it now. But you do need to tell me where your family is. If you will turn yourself in, I will personally see to their safety."

The man looked at him incredulous, "What could you possibly do?"

Kenshin started to answer, but not before the man's eyes grew wide and he scurried back further against the wall, "Kannon-sama!" he gasped. Kenshin looked over his shoulder and saw only Hikari perched in the same corner where she was a few minutes ago, half listening, and half picking at her fingernails. He got her attention and mouthed "Can he see you?"

She shook her head and then pointed skyward, where sunlight had streamed in through the courtyard, giving everything a warm golden glow. She grinned sheepishly and shrugged at him.

When Kenshin turned back around, he saw hope in the man's eyes, "If you really do serve Kannon-sama, I will trust you."

Kenshin started to correct him, before Hikari's reprimand halted his words, _Don't mess with the system. Man established this system and lives by it. What did you think was managing things while you were alive?_

He nodded one to show her that he understood, "Tell me your name now?"

"Nobu," the man said, "Notsugara Nobu." He went on to tell Kenshin where his family was being held, and Kenshin felt the whiff of air that was Hikari's moving to go hand out a little justice.

"You remember the deal, Nobu-san," Kenshin said, "You turn yourself in to the police, tell them what you know, and I will take care of you. You don't have to live in crime all of your life." Kenshin stood up then, and turned away, dropping the knife the man had been carrying. It shattered like glass and ran off in droplets of water between the boards. 

He left the man then, who was getting to his own feet to go outside to the police. He saw Saitoh pacing back and forth outside, debating the benefits of raiding a shrine versus waiting for him to come out. Kenshin concentrated on just making himself heard and not seen and moved beside Saitoh, "He's going to come out and turn himself in. Go easy on him, he has a family, and information you need."

Saitoh whipped around to face the voice, but there was no one there. It didn't sound like Justice. It had sounded male. He frowned in the general direction of the voice, "Don't think I'm going to listen to you. I don't listen to her either."

Kenshin smiled quietly, "She says otherwise."

"She points out the obvious."

"So do I." He could get used to this mysterious stuff. Right about then, he remembered that there was a family at stake, and that Hikari had run off by herself. He had no doubts about her ability to defend herself, but she might make a compromise that he wouldn't want to live with. He took off after her, searching out her mind in the millions of voices that ate away at him.

He found it soon enough, and it sent a chill through him. It wasn't even a mockingly bright mood, it was utterly cold, devoid of mercy. He felt the taste of blood in her mind, and he knew she had detached from herself.

The warehouse doorway was splintered when he arrived and he leapt through the remains to see Hikari facing off with man slighter taller and much heavier than she. While he knew they were hidden, her wings were splayed back from her body to allow her the most room to swing. Both swords were in her hands, and she was prepared to kill the man in front of her.

The man was huge, by any standards, with ill-kempt hair and the edges of colorful tattoos poking from his plain brown clothes. He faced off with the woman, wielding a katana in the style of the samurai, level and in front of him, one foot slightly back to give him balance and a quicker step. He seemed conflicted, as if wondering why he should be concerned about fighting a woman. But she stood with her back straight and her chin held high, gazing down at him with eyes that seemed dead to the rest of her face.

"Put down your sword, and you will be spared," she said. Kenshin cringed, her voice was as cold as her gaze. 

The man only shook his head.

She brought her sword across her body, slamming it down on the katana with frightening force. The other sword immediately followed shrieking through the air with a fierceness that the man had not been prepared for. But he rolled the blade in line with the sword that moved and deflected that blow. His fingers stung with the impact. She dropped suddenly, the lack of resistance threw the man off balance. She spun around, leading with one of her swords. She tried to come up under the katana blade, but the man twisted his wrist around just in time to deflect her again. Kenshin's breath caught in his throat. The man was experienced, and a good swordsman. The simplicity of Japanese fighting could well overwhelm Hikari's complex and rhythmless dance.

He took the next natural step, and came on the attack. Hikari staggered back, being suddenly put on the defensive. Her jaw tightened with the flex of her body, and her muscles strained. He seemed to glower over her as he attacked, her swords meeting him head on, but forcing her closer and closer to being on her knees. She came to the point where there was nowhere else to go, and the man saw her vulnerability and took advantage.

Hikari moved to correct and deflect his blow, but missed, and the blade sliced along the outside of her thigh, drawing a thin red line of blood and a hiss of pain from Hikari. But his mistake was made. Rather than move in to finish, he stopped in surprise and seemed to gloat over his impeding victory. The instant cost him. Hikari pushed against him. Her jaw was clenched as she pressed him back, "You inbred toad's boil," she growled at him, "That hurt." With a sudden burst of force, she pushed him off of her, and fell back into position.

He came at her again, and she looked up at Kenshin and winked. She sidestepped him easily, and he staggered past her. Swiftly, and silently, her sword made an arc of steely light coming down with ground shattering force on the back of the man, and slicing cleanly through, erupting in a spray of gore that glittered like gems against the white hot steel of her blade.

As the tide ebbed, Kenshin looked at Hikari in shock, "That was retributive."

She shook her head, "It was defensive."

"Of yourself," he said, taking her hand as he stepped down onto the main floor.

"Not quite," she said, leading him to a wall of rice barrels, she walked behind them and picked up a small child of about two. A young woman, a boy and an older woman stood up and looked at the pair, "I would like you to meet Notusaga Noba's family. That would be the man in the temple."

"He was coming after them," Kenshin said more than asked.

She nodded, and handed the baby back to its mother, "You'll be safe for a little while now."

Kenshin looked at the woman, "Notusaga-san, you should go to the police station and ask to see Hajime. He will help you find your husband. I can't say that he will be out of prison, he has things to pay for. But stand beside him, and he'll prove a good man."

The woman smiled politely, "Thank you, sir. I know my husband to be a good man in a bad place."

The pair helped them out of the warehouse and Kenshin looked at Hikari, "How are you?"

She was favoring her wounded leg and smiled at him. One of those smiles that didn't reach her eyes. One drop hung near the corner of her eye like a tear. 


End file.
